Black Pearls Magazine is a free digital magazine committed to inspire, encourage and empower a international group of readers. Our mission is to provide information that is essential, enlightening and entertaining.
Every issue of this monthly published magazine will celebrate the accomplishments of authors and writers from around the globe, honoring proud traditions and spotlighting ways to enhance the reader's everyday life.
We are here to bring you those literary jewels, Black Pearls, that are sure to bring you and your love ones much pleasure and empowerment.
Share this publication with your network and Give the Gift of Knowledge too!
Book
lovers join us on Monday and Wednesday nights for the most stimulating
conversation on the planet. Call into the show at 646. 200.0402 for a chance to
win the featured book. Chatroom open to all.
Skype
ID: [ edc1creations]
Readers: Join Skype to get Video Messages from
Ella Curry and featured authors. Add me to your Skype friend list. Also, send me your Skype address so that I can add you too!
Email your Skype ID to: edc_dg@yahoo.com
Melinda Johnson has always felt called to ministry. So, when her father, Bishop Langston Johnson, decides to step down after thirty
years of leadership at Omega Christian Center, it seems only natural for her to take his place. But Bishop Johnson feels led by a God who has
other things in mind, and to succeed him, he appoints Steven Marks—a man who is opposed to female pastors, not to mention the fact that
he is Melinda’s ex-fiancé.
Feeling defeated, Melinda nevertheless maintains her position as the church’s Missions and Community Outreach Director.
Frequent interaction with the new bishop incites bitter sparring—and rekindles long suppressed attraction, which grows only stronger when Melinda develops a
relationship with Steven’s precious daughter, Brianna, who’s still struggling with the death of her mother.
Can Steven and Melinda set aside past pains, forgive each other, and learn to love again? Or will their opposing positions regarding women preachers keep them
forever at odds?
Sistergirl Devotions
Keeping Jesus in the Mix on the Job
by Carol M. Mackey
Encouragement, advice, and real talk
from a successful sister
It's not always easy to live your faith during the nine to five. But no matter where you work, that's the mission field in which God has placed you. It doesn't matter if you're a waitress or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company--you're equally important to God. And he wants to use you to build his kingdom.
Sistergirl Devotions is for you--the working woman who wants to grow spiritually while on the job. Using Scripture, "sistergirl" wisdom, and true stories, each down-to-earth devotional shows how your faith can empower you to have success no matter where you work. With topics such as respect, resourcefulness, image, timeliness, honesty, setbacks, and balancing work, church, and home, each devotion ends with a "Power Move"--practical affirmations that will drive you toward victory.
As editor-in-chief of the esteemed Black Expressions Book Club, Carol M. Mackey has her finger on the pulse of African American women and what they’re reading, thinking about and their search for information that speaks to their daily lives and struggles.
In “Sistergirl Devotions”, Mackey addresses the stresses that crop up at the workplace. With workplace stresses ranging from bad bosses to gossipy coworkers to a lack of passion for what you’re getting paid to do, what’s a Christian woman to do? Sometimes it can feel like your faith is putting in overtime, too, just to get you through the week.
Mackey can speak to these and other hurdles that working women face through a collection of 90 insightful and inspiring readings. Using Scripture, conventional wisdom and stories from her own experiences, Mackey teaches how faith provides timeless and trusting answers to these daily struggles. Each devotion offers a “Power Move,” which will give women actionable tips for applying these principles to their own lives and careers.
Carol M. Mackey is editor-in-chief of Black Expressions Book Club, an award-winning book club and the largest African American club in the nation. She has been names among the
50 Most Powerful African Americans In Publishing by Black Issues Book Review and has been featured in
Literary Divas: The Top 100 + Most Admired African American Women in Literature.
Endorsements for Sistergirl Devotions: Keeping Jesus in the Mix on the Job
"Carol Mackey has done a masterful job of incorporating the practicality of God's Word into daily meditations. She does not shrink from the real issues we often struggle with. Carol addresses them boldly, giving clear answers and 'Power Moves' to equip us to have the victory we long to experience in our everyday
lives." --Michelle McKinney Hammond, author of The Power of Being a Woman
"Sistergirl Devotions is by far one of the best self-help books I have read in a long time. Carol Mackey masterfully weaves in Scripture, invaluable wisdom, and her own personal experiences. Absolutely
brilliant!" --Kimberla Lawson Roby, New York Times bestselling author; author of A
Deep Dark Secret and Be Careful What You Pray For
"Sistergirl Devotions delivers inspiring daily nuggets that will warm the soul and motivate every reader to succeed on the job for the
Lord." --Stephanie Perry Moore, author of the Payton Skky series
and the Beta Gamma Pi series
Cheryl
Robinson is the author of five novels. Most recently, When I Get Where
I'm Going, In Love with a Younger Man and Sweet Georgia Brown.
She is a
native Detroiter and graduate of Wayne State University. Robinson now resides in
Central Florida where she is writing her next novel. Cheryl has set many
goals for her writing career, which include becoming a New York Times
bestselling author. Cheryl’s novels are primarily character-driven and her
themes often revolve around family, relationships, love, beating the odds, and
redemption.
She loves dogs, crème brûlée, and almost anything organic. And the “real”
job in corporate America her parents urged her to pursue? Well, after nearly
twelve years with an automotive-related company and four corporate relocations
where she’s lived in New York, Kansas, Texas, and Florida, she lost it. In the
summer of 2010, the company was forced to downsize due to the ailing economy.
However, she always considered her passion for writing to be a real job, even
when she only had time to write her novels at night and on weekends. Now she has
even more time to focus on fiction.
BPM: What specific situation prompted you to write your book?
Some years ago, when I was about nineteen or twenty, I answered the phone at my
parents' home and there was a woman on the other end who insisted that we were
related. She was trying to tell me that she was my half sister and that we had
the same father. I remember my heart sinking. In order for that to be true,
based on her timeframe, that would mean my father, who I thought had been
happily married to my mother for years, had cheated. But as the conversation
continued we both realized that while the two men shared the same name they
weren't the same person.
Still, for those few minutes, I had to ask myself what if that was actually the
case. The thought never completely escaped my mind, and in some ways it was that
event that prompted me to eventually get around to exploring the scenario. And
now, in the age of social networking, it's much easier to find your missing
relatives. And in the case of these three sisters, it's also true, and they do
share the same father.
BPM:
Who do you want to reach with When I Get Where I'm Going and the message
within?
I am a Women's Fiction author. That does not mean I only write for women. Nor
does the fact that I'm black mean I only write for black people. I don't write
to exclude any one, but to enlighten and entertain us all. I write about women
and women's issues, and of course, men are in my novels too. As an author I have
an opportunity to go beyond stereotypes. I've learned over the eight years that
I've been writing professionally that there is a way to entertain without
offending.
If I, as a black woman, do not feel good about how we are represented in the
media. If I don't feel empowered about what is being written about us on the
internet and elsewhere and if I have to continuously hear from the media that
black women are "the least desirable of all the races" or not a
preference by some men even within our own race, as an artist, I have an
opportunity to present a different message that isn't a negative one, but can
still be realistic. It's like music. Some songs only have a good beat while
others also have wonderful lyrics. I want to write books that make people feel
good.
My intended message isn't given to readers, but written in such a way that the
reader gets out of it what they came to the story with and how they view the
story and the characters will be interpreted by how they view the world. But
maybe, if I do my job as I intend to, they will have a different opinion after
it's all said and done.
BPM: Introduce us to your latest book, When I Get Where I'm Going.
What would you do if you discovered that you had a sibling you never knew
existed? Would you be like Heaven, so excited to connect to that person that you
quickly took to Facebook and started searching? Would you be like Hope, too
caught up in the trials and tribulations of your own life to even care? Or would
you be like Alicia, skeptical at first, but willing to open up to the idea?
Alicia, Hope, and Heaven are three estranged sisters embarking on one special
reunion. And it will take an earth-shattering discovery, a lucky lottery ticket,
and a near-fatal encounter to finally bring three sisters together and have them
realize that nothing can save a person like family.
BPM: Introduce us to your main characters in When I Get Where I'm Going.
Heaven Jetter, Hope Teasdale, and Alicia Day are three special sisters! Heaven
is twenty-one and the youngest sister. She's on probation, caught up in an
abusive relationship, and trying desperately to get her life back on track. Hope
is a young widow and single mother searching for the truth behind her husband's
death, but once she finds out, can she handle it? Alicia is a struggling actress
trying to catch a break in Hollywood after thirteen years of trying, but a
devastating one-two punch forces her back to Detroit.
BPM: What are a couple of the specific issues addressed in this
book?
One issue in the story is domestic abuse. Heaven is involved in an unhealthy
relationship, but like so many other women involved in something like that, she
finds it nearly impossible to leave. Her story isn't from the viewpoint of a
woman who is both a wife and mother and being abused, but from a young woman who
has gotten caught-up with the wrong man and finds herself so confused that she
doesn't know what to do and feels that her life in general is spiraling out of
control.
Alicia Day's character was written for anyone who has been holding on to a dream
for a very long time and wondering if it will ever come true. Aspiring actors,
singers, and writers should be able to especially relate to her story. Black
actresses, in particular, should also be able to as much has been discussed
about the struggles that black women experience while trying to succeed in
Hollywood.
BPM: Share with us your latest news or upcoming book releases.
When I Get Where I'm Going is featured in the September 2010 issue of Essence
Magazine. And I recently completed my next novel, Remember Me, that will be
released in September 2011.
BPM: How can our readers reach you online?
Readers can connect with me through my website at: www.cherylrobinson.com
and also join me on my recently created Facebook page. There is a link on my web
site to Facebook.
Before Soul on Fire, Skyy Banks shared her work with the world through freelance writings. She is a native of Arkansas who now calls Atlanta, GA her home. Banks enjoys reading, writing, and traveling. Banks uses her writing as a platform to encourage her readers to explore taboo subjects and engage in dialogue to find solutions. She is a self-motivated woman and knows the world is waiting for her greatness.
Soul on Fire, Skyy Banks premier novel, is an exploration of the torment of abuse and the consequences of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior, and it sheds light on why so many women sabotage relationships and friendships that mean so much.
Every woman knows Dana, the heroine of Skyy Banks’ debut novel, Soul on Fire. Dana, simply put, is a survivor. Her sexually abusive past has imprisoned her and she has unleashed her pain to a sea of devastation and damage. Not until she confronts her demons can she garner the strength to brave the journey to redemption. As she begins her journey to release herself from the shackles of her past, Dana quickly discovers the path to salvation and freedom is anything but smooth.
Set against the backdrop of the corporate world of Atlanta, Georgia, Soul on Fire chronicles a young professional woman’s journey for inner peace and happiness.
BPM: Take us inside the book, Soul on Fire by Skyy Banks.
Dana Taylor is 29, a beautiful, well- educated, rising star in corporate Atlanta. Dana lives life on her own terms, no matter the cost. She can have any man she wants, but often finds herself in the throes of one unhealthy relationship after another. Not until she has retreated into the emotional shelter of various unavailable men, ruined a marriage, and jeopardized a friendship does she look inward to find the source of her self-destructive behavior. To reclaim herself and find redemption, she must unlock the demons of her past and confront those that stole her innocence.
BPM: Who do you want to reach with your book and the message within?
Childhood sexual abuse is a no respecter of race, gender, or socio economic statuses. It is an offense that has become increasingly prevalent in our society, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. Oddly enough, I want not only to reach victims, but potential victims and perpetrators as well. I want victims to know that they can overcome the emotional scarring of the violation that has occurred within their lives and the abusers to see from a different vantage point the devastation they have caused the victim and those closest to them.
BPM: How will reading your book shape the readers lives?
Reader’s lives will be shaped in that the book offers an opportunity for self-reflection. It touches on many dynamics as it relates to intimate relationships, family, friendships, and decision making. Life is all about choices and although we are not always dealt what we deem a fair hand, we must not allow the transgressions of others against us or our circumstances dictate how we move forward in life.
BPM: What was the most powerful chapter in the book?
The book has several powerful scenes, but what I have witnessed and received from readers as being the most was a confrontation scene in which the main character confronts her abuser. The raw emotion is heard when readers read this passage aloud, tears flow, and some have said they wish they too could have done that. They didn’t or couldn’t confront the abusers yet they could identify with the hurt. Only now to be able to open up to someone else, this for some has been twenty years later.
BPM: Ultimately, what do you want readers to gain from your book?
To survive is to thrive, mind blowing, devastating things occur in daily life. When it happens, nothing stops, not time or even life and people move right along with that flow without ever addressing or pausing to think about the situation. The bottled hurt and emotions then manifest themselves in unhealthy ways. Or on the flipside, it’s repressed and they are just living. Nonetheless, the person has survived in the physical sense, but is not thriving because mentally and spiritually they are dead.
BPM: How can our readers reach you online?
I can be reached at www.skyybanks.com where readers can subscribe to my blog and have the most current information on booksignings and appearances. Follow me on twitter, MySpace, and Facebook.
Russel Blake has been a Music Producer/Professional Musician/Concert Soloist/Educator for over
three decades. As a music producer, Mr. Blake has created a multitude of projects covering all genres of music. His last CD project entitled “Quiet Strength” is a powerful and soulful jazz project that received critical and commercial success. His next soon to be released CD project is entitled “Fierce Solitude” and is highly anticipated.
Russel Blake has also just self-published his first book entitled “Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Black Woman Volume 1.”
The strength of the idea is to communicate the precious and priceless value/existence of Black Women to the minds of black men, the rights to be treated with unwavering respect and dignity in the minds of black women and the seeds of reverence to be sown by virtue of changing perception one community at a time.
If one Black Woman is thought to be expendable, then every Black Women’s immeasurable value is now diminished in the eyes of the world.
Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Black Woman Volume 1 by Russel Blake
“Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Black Woman” is published by Man of Psalms Publishing. It is a book of Psalms, Praises, Short Stories, and observations whose foundation are the Holy Scriptures utilizing Proverbs 31 as its central theme based on the Virtuous Black Woman.
Mr. Blake's writings are in essence a global dedication unto African, Caribbean,
and African American Virtuous Women who everyday exemplify the proverb of the wise Woman who builds her house with peaceful dignity.
BPM: What is the inspiration behind your book, Proverbs 31:The Virtuous Black Woman?
My inspiration is drawn from the resiliency and persistent determination I have witnessed in the depth of character from my own Mother to
African, Caribbean and African-American Women during my world travels.
BPM: Why do you feel that the topic of this book is relevant at this time?
I feel it is arguably factual that at no other time in history have black women faced such a daunting foe of mis-characterization and victimization since the transatlantic slave trade.
BPM: Why was this book specifically targeted to Black Women or Women of Color and not all women?
Regrettably, black women particularly in the United States still constitute the highest “negative” statistics belonging to women. Whether in the areas of health, incarceration, leading single parent households, etc;…
BPM: What do you want women to take away from your book?
A renewed sense of value and purpose inspiring them to reassess themselves in the most positive light and moral worth possible in order to both endure and succeed.
BPM: How can my readers obtain a copy of the book.
Russel Blake website address: www.russelblake.net
Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Black Woman Volume 1 by Russel Blake
Price: $19.99; ISBN: 978-0-615-34398-3
The primary subject matter is Christian Inspiration/Psalms/Spirituality/Self-Help
The primary audience is Adults, African-American, Caribbean/African Women and Men
To place an order, please order at www.russelblake.net
Email Monica Hart, Director: russelblakemanagement@yahoo.com
Intimate Conversation with Andrea Clinton
Andrea Clinton is a novelist, poet and essayist, and aspiring screenwriter/filmmaker. As a Montclair State University graduate, she posses’ a degree in English, Film and Journalism. She’s the founder and CEO of the non-profit organization, People Helping People; worked as Editor in Chief of AMISTAD newspaper, New Jersey; and is presently working on a biography and screenplay featuring the life of her uncle George Clinton of Parliament/Funkadelic and the Clinton family.
Read
more on Andrea here.
BPM: Tell us about your passion for writing. Why do you write? What drives you? What impact do you want your book to make on the readers?
What drives me is my passion for story telling and entertaining the readers or listeners (I've been summoned to randomly make up and tell stories). I write to enlighten or to pull the readers coattail to an issue or subject matter. I pray the impact that my books have on readers is that: The upper class begin to learn and are introduced to the other classes and what they live and experience, why they make the decisions they make, etc.; I give the middle class a chance to learn not to look down their noses at the poor or lower class, but have a respect for their struggle and to recognize that they are being played in the game as well.
I also give the less fortunate a chance to not revere the upper class so much, as their problems are as great as their money. My writing offers the lower class a way to reach for the stars by obtaining KNOW-HOW. I teach them how to work hard to maintain that sense of "down-to-earthness" we posses, that the other classes wish they had and seek, but can't find because of the airs they put on and their ongoing evil to maintain what they have. I want to show the poor or lowered class that we really aren't missing as much as we believe, and we're much happier than we think.
BPM: Finish this sentence- My writing offers the following legacy to future readers...
Realness with an understanding that: Our upbringing/what and how we're taught, our environment, innate qualities that we get thru genetics or are God given, instincts and drives such as Self-preservation and Desires all play a role in how we turn out, how we think and the decisions we make. We have to look at all of these things and decide who we will be, hopefully enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong.
BPM: Introduce us to your new book,
Life Knows No Bounds: One Who Loves You More.
The book is about Alisa, a money grubbing gold digger who's following in the foot steps of the older girls who came before her. She's got several men thinking she's their woman, and when one drops her off at home, another picks her up.
She has gold, diamonds, money and more, but when her family gets on her case about the trouble it's causing, Alisa decides to get her one man with riches to take care of her, thus Omar. Omar has his own issues trying to stop hustling drugs and going back to being the Muslim he grew up as without the street troubles, but when he and Alisa come together, it's like clash of the titans and he loses his focus. Then, Hell erupts in, "Life Knows No Bounds: One Who Loves You More."
BPM: Introduce us to your main characters in One Who Loves You More.
Alisa is the main character and she is a hand full. She's not too long out of high school and acting a fool. She thinks she's grown but has much the behavior of a young minded girl in a woman's body. She shares her mind set with you but this doesn't make her inviting. She is who she is, young and dumb. But, you couldn't tell her that because she is head strong in what she feels, but is always contradicting herself with her behavior and her tongue lashes that cut like a knife. She doesn't want to face that she loves Omar because in her mind, she's still a gold digger; no strings attached and still tries to wear this title like a tiara.
BPM: What makes you powerful as a person and a writer? Who are your mentors?
I would say as a person, Islam humbles me and any power I feel should probably be interpreted as blessed. As a writer, my professors back at college who helped me to think of the type of writer I wanted to be and if I wanted to be put in a little box or write creatively in many genres, they are my mentors. A good professor shows you paths and gives you one to grow on; they should mentor. My mentors are my professors I listed in my book and people I barely met like Whoopi Goldberg who graduated from Montclair State University with her masters when I graduation with my BFA. The words she spoke reminded me of the obstacles to come and helped me to set my mind straight to continue full steam ahead and not listen to naysayers, and as she emphasized, "Know that they are coming."
BPM: What specific situation or revelation prompted you to write your book?
There were too many young girls out there using men for money. Like the main character, they use men so much it's almost a form of prostitution, but they don't see it that way as they may never have sex with these men, just use them for what they can get from them.
BPM: Take us inside the book. What are two major events taking place?
I would like to say, when Alisa and Omar decide there is definitely something there, and speak to each other with their eyes just after he gave her his leather trench; and a cross between when he addresses her about another guy and/or when they have it out at her house. I say that part because it reminds me of so many relationships where we allow our emotions to make us stubborn and hide how we really feel, and we end up not giving in to our mate and are left sad and alone.
BPM: What are some of their specific issues, needs or problems addressed in this book?
I guess using men for money is a quick resolve to being poor or getting the things they want. With sex so free - for - all these days, some of them look at it like a quick harmless gain if they do partake in sex for money. But majority in this new game they play are not having sex with these men they make their mark. They instead make the man think they're his woman, and then get that money, jewelry, credit cards, etc. And it's dangerous because these men REALLY think these girls are their woman, their mate.
To top it all off, the girls have rules also. Three, four or six months tops. Then, they find some ill excuse to drop them and get a new sucker. Because there was no sex involved, meaning he waited on her, a lot of the men take it personal and feel played and some have been known to be dangerous.
BPM: What do you think makes your book different from others on the same subject?
I don't know; I think I might, might help the reader experience the characters instead of just reading about them and saying, "Oh, that Omar is something else" or "Alisa is a trip."
Because Alisa has a lot of crap with her; she's no walk in the park. But the readers will experience her and what she's going through even when they don't agree with her or understand fully what the heck she's doing or her motives. Omar, you can't help but love him, and I did that on purpose. He's much like my brother, he and Man-Man in the sense that they are lovable people, but out there doing wrong, and you hope they get it together before it's too late. For my brother, it was too late; let's see how it goes with Omar or Man-Man.
But you don't just read this; you feel this in your chest at times. I've had some tell me as they read the chapters, they went through so many emotions from chapter to chapter and sometimes from page to page. That's the Realism genre. Real stuff making you feel mad, glad, happy or sad for the characters. Naturalism stems from Realism and Naturalism, which is the basis of the book, shows the character's self-preservation/greed drive, hustling and their desires via their attraction to one another throughout.
And, the reader feels it, gets goose bumps or chills, and is excited to move on in the book hoping Alisa get's hers, hoping Omar get's a grip. But it's all thru the emotional aspects of the novel, not just the words on the page. I believe it's heart felt and how I arrived there, or so I've been told, was, I wrote it with the flow of a soap opera in my head. I took myself through all of that drama just to appease my readers.
BPM: Share with us your latest news, awards or upcoming book releases.
We're about to launch our newspaper again, this will help us to contribute to supporting the hard working authors, artist, actors, and so on, as well as keep our community up on the news around the world. I think the reward right now is to be exposed to so many opportunities. I think I'll be even more rewarded when I began speaking engagements, speaking to the youth and young girls and women about this new trend.
Upcoming releases: There's the second book in the "Life Knows No Bounds" chronicle titled, "A Blessing and A Curse," then there is a non fiction book on Writing. So many students in high school and college are having a hard
time writing properly; scoring low on SAT's and essays and research papers in
school. So, I want to shed light on that. I have a writing component I used with my students and they still email me today saying
Thank You because it helped them with their college writing. Those books will be forthcoming in the Spring season 2011.
BPM: How can our readers reach you online, Andrea?
The readers can connect with me in various ways. My website is the best way to find out more information, but I will list several modes.
Conversations in the Dark by author Skyy Banks
The Deep Secret of Sexual Abuse in the Black Community
It’s nothing that we sit around the dinner table and talk about. It’s not a discussion at family gatherings. In fact, sexual abuse, in its rawest form, has become taboo in the realms of the African American culture. Yet, it is rocking our community to the core of our very existence. This imbalance, hurls us into a pit of endless cycles- the cycles of broken marriages, unhealthy relationships, and isolation.
Guilt, shame and hopelessness are all emotions associated with the trauma of child sexual abuse. The act of abuse, whether covert or overt, scars the victim. Essentially, every facet of the victim’s life has been damaged; however the affects are sometimes not evident until years later.
Affecting millions of people every year, sexual violence is a serious issue. Available data underestimate the problem due in part to how it is defined and how the data is collected. More than 70% of sexual assault cases are not reported to police and many more are not disclosed at all.
Sexual abuse crosses all boundaries; it is no respecter of race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status. Yet, studies show that abuse is more common among children in lower-income families. It appears that in these cases, abuse is more likely to be reported because this group tends to be in contact with public agencies more than others.
The childhood wounds of abuse often lead to lifelong mental and physical problems.
For example, many psychologists believe that the inability to form healthy adult relationships is a direct result of being abused/traumatized in a child’s formative years. Most of this trauma results from being hurt by other people, including family members. Black Americans report being more severely abused in terms of sex acts, as well as the amount of force used to commit such acts. They also report being more often abused by uncles and stepfathers. As a result these victims have a difficult time developing trust. They often grow up expecting that others will violate them.
On the other side, many women trust to easily, having a hard time judging who is safe. Remember, they too have been betrayed by their family members they loved. For all intents and purposes, this has given them a false security of just handing over trust instead of requiring it to be earned or deserved. Because they have not had the opportunity to develop trustworthy relationships, women don’t know how to recognize trustworthy individuals.
A woman’s sexuality can also be affected as a result of childhood sexual abuse.
Sex is confused with love or getting care because the abuser gave her attention and affection through sexual contact. Such attention can open up a woman to unwanted or forced sex.
Childhood sexual abuse can also frighten women and cause them to develop negative feelings about sex.
When a woman becomes sexual as an adult, she often has flashbacks of abuse and will altogether avoid sex or intimacy to avoid the negative feelings and memories associated with the childhood trauma.
Studies have shown that childhood sexual abuse is typically an inter-generational occurrence. Mothers of abused children are significantly more likely to have been sexual abuse victims themselves. To tackle the crisis, we have to empower parents and children to understand the severity of its ramifications; the ramifications of not being able to thrive in healthy adult relationships both sexually and emotionally.
The safety of our children begins with parents. Parents must teach children to have authority over their body and be aware of not necessarily people but particular circumstances. Let them know that they have the right to say “no” to whomever. If it does not feel right, sound right, or look right seek help. Self empowerment comes from self love and respect which leads to prevention.
About the Author Soul on Fire, Skyy Banks premier novel, is an exploration of the torment of abuse and the consequences of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior, and it sheds light on why so many women sabotage relationships and friendships that mean so much.
Before Soul on Fire, Banks shared her work with the world through freelance writings. She is a native of Arkansas who now calls Atlanta, GA her home. Banks enjoys reading, writing, and traveling. Banks uses her writing as a platform to encourage her readers to explore taboo subjects and engage in dialogue to find solutions. She is a self-motivated woman and knows the world is waiting for her greatness. Website:
http://www.skyybanks.com
BPM:
Please tell us a little bit about yourself, Arlene.
I’m a 48 yr. old woman with one son and two grandchildren. I raised my son on
my own. We struggled many of days but we made it. I am blessed in many ways and
I'm so grateful. I lost my job about a year ago for something that was not my
fault. It was difficult trying to find work after working for so many years. I
prayed everyday for God to help me find something in this world that I would
enjoy doing, and in a dream a voice came upon me (God) and said to me. “You
are here for a purpose and it is to write and inspire people.” Something
I’ve done all of my life…inspire people. Who would thought that I would be
writing novels today, you see dreams do come true if you believe.
BPM: Tell us about your latest release, Twelve Roses For Uretta.
The Book is called “Twelve Roses for Uretta” This is a true story of a
mother’s struggle with domestic violence, while trying to raise her eight
children. This story is told through the eyes of Uretta's daughter (Erica) who
carried the burden of not being able to help her mother because she was just too
young, plus Erica's own secret she was never able to tell her mother’ before
her mother's untimely death.
BPM:
What specific situation prompted you to write your book?
My story is a true story and after the death of my mother, life was never the
same for me again. For years I suffered with depression and anxiety because of
my past. Finally one day I decided it was time to take control of my life and by
doing that it prompted me to write my book “Twelve Roses For Uretta.”
The
book tells of the domestic abuse my mother endured from her husbands, and the
secret her daughter Erica never got to tell her before her untimely death. The
more I wrote my story the more I began to feel better about life. I started to
notice that all the pain that was embedded within me and even the things in my
life I blocked out, was now coming out and I felt renewed, then a sense of
healing within. After all the adversity I had been through in my life, I was now
starting to live my life, and know I live my life beyond adversity.
BPM: Who do you want to reach with Twelve Roses For Uretta and the
message within?
My book also brings about awareness to a problem that exists sometimes right
under our noses, and many just ignore it sometimes to the point that it’s to
late to recover. There are a lot of people that would like to ignore that
domestic violence is present in their lives or a loved ones. I grew up around
it, I’ve met many women who have gone through it and I know many who still do
endure domestic violence everyday. My message is that love shouldn’t hurt,
anyone who loves you wouldn’t do anything to damage you in anyway whether
it’s mental or physically. Love shouldn’t hurt.
BPM: How will reading your book, Twelve Roses For Uretta, shape the
readers lives?
I hope by reading my story that it helps someone to think twice about being in a
relationship that involves domestic violence and my greatest hope is that an
abuser reads this novel and changes his or her ways…because you know that an
abuser does not always have to be male. Love shouldn’t hurt.
BPM: What are some of their specific issues or problems addressed in this
book?
Two specific issues are “warning signs” most abusers love to be in
“control” and they’ll work day and night on your “self-esteem” trying
to destroy what ever fight or little fight you have to stand up for yourself,
and break you down to your lowest point. Do not allow anyone to take your power.
BPM: Share with us your latest news or upcoming book releases.
I have a new book coming out July 2010, called “Hidden Closets” a book of
fictional short stories. The stories will hit close to home for many! This
book journeys into the minds of people with jaw dropping hidden secrets. They
never want people to know about their REAL side, for fearing of being exposed to
their real truths. Visit my website for excerpts and other news.
BPM: How can our readers reach you online?
Readers can reach me at arlene_crenshaw@yahoo.com,
arlene crenshaw@facebook, and my website is http://www.mscrenshawbooks.com
I also post a daily quote on Facebook and Blogger I call it “My quote of the
day” which I share everyday. I try my best to inspire people to believe
in themselves and to let no obstacle stand in their way, no matter how difficult
life or challenges in life may seem.
Excerpt
from Twelve Roses For Uretta by Arlene R. Crenshaw
For as long as I can remember, I witnessed the men in my momma’s life abuse
her mentally and physically, these were men she swore to love, honor, and obey
till death do them part. I was the third to the oldest of my momma’s eight
children, and I started noticing the abuse on my momma when I was around four or
five years old. I remember hearing her screaming from being beat up and this
“boom booming,” sound as if something or someone was hitting walls or even
being thrown or slammed into them, my name is Erica and this story is through my
eyes. This is a true story about my momma and me together; and the years I grew
up with her. Why, did my momma have to cry and suffer so much in the name
of love?
Growing up in my momma’s home was very uncomfortable, scary and traumatizing
these uncomfortable feeling stayed with me day after day, year after year; these
feelings were embedded deep in my mind, body and soul for a long as I could
remember, not that I haven’t had my own issues to back me up, but growing up
with my momma my, sisters, and brothers there were a lot of very painful times
and so many memories that I’ll never forget. The things I heard, felt and saw
started my life out as just plain old misery, sadness and traumatizing to my
soul.
Pick up your copies of Twelve Roses For Uretta today!
ISBN-10: 0557309204 | ISBN-13: 978-0557309207
Connecting to Your Vocation: How to Get More from a Job
By Dr. Daryl D. Green
Do you enjoy your job? If you feel under-utilized in your organization, you are not alone.
On a routine basis, many employees force themselves to work without a clear purpose. Numerous people work to maintain their daily bread without ever doing what they love. Sadly, many managers are unable to inspire today’s workforce toward greater performance.
Manager guru Peter Drucker argued for several decades that managers must understand their employees as well as their customers. Few executives listened. Drucker concluded, “Business tends to drift from leadership to mediocrity. And the mediocre is three-quarters down the road to being marginal.” Yet, emerging leaders need to know how to rekindle such emotions in the workplace. This article will discuss how one’s calling can transform an individual’s life in order to improve organizational performance.
The Vocation
Becoming more productive in life is a function of working in a career that is aligned with one’s abilities. Unfortunately, many organizations fail to understand this simple principle. As a consequence, they have people in jobs that do not fit their abilities. Yes, the organization knows the individual’s education and career experience. However, managers are unable to understand the worker’s ability without input from that worker. There is a distinct difference between an occupation and a vocation. An occupation relates to the principal activity in an individual’s life that earns money for living.
Some people, due to their own financial situation, are forced to work in jobs they hate. Others must occupy jobs where they are overqualified; this speaks to the issue of underemployment in our nation. Yet, many folks are slaves to their jobs simply because of the income. This situation can lead to stress, depression, and unhappiness. In fact, some people take desperate measures. According to one study, more than 30,000 Americans take their lives annually. In fact, this works out to more than three suicides for every two murders.
A vocation is a natural alignment with one’s ability. Vocation relates to a career which a person is particularly suited or qualified to perform. Some individuals credit this special alignment to a divine provocation. In the medieval Christian period, it was believed that God called certain people and their work was a "calling." This calling was usually reserved for the clergy and priest. In the secular sense, individuals who can fully use all of their talents in a way that liberates them can make great contributions in society.
However, it does invoke a different mental journey. Marsha Sinetar, author of Do What You Love, The Money Will
Follow, argues that individuals rarely take the time for introspection: “Most of us think about our jobs or our careers as a means to fulfill responsibilities to families and creditors, to gain more material comforts, and to achieve status and recognition. But we pay a high price for this kind of thinking.” This mental awakening is happening across the nation. Thus, some people are able to tap into their own calling.
Therefore, it is important that individuals take the time to learn what they enjoy and what they are good at. This reality will lead them to their special calling. In fact, one has a calling when he or she realizes what can be done with his or her God-given abilities. Once this career revelation is realized, an individual can then take the journey toward greater happiness and job performance.
Conclusion
As society pushes people to acquire more things in order to be happy, individuals can become unhappy with life. Many black professionals struggle to connect on their jobs. Therefore, it’s important that individuals take a personal assessment of their own career objectives in conjunction with their own calling. Furthermore, organizations that understand how to tap into an employee’s calling will have a competitive advantage because they will maximize the talents of their workforce. In the future, there will be a global war for talent. Discover your innate calling and propel yourself into a better future.
Women Power in Today’s Organizations
by Dr. Daryl Green
America has continued to learn how to deal with strong women during the great demographic shift in history. Corporate America celebrates media moguls like Oprah Winfrey. According to Fortune Magazine, 15 Fortune 500 companies are run by women. In fact, women of color are showing others how to break traditional barriers. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice transformed how powerful women can lead major government sectors. In fact, there is a long list of successful women in all types of institutions.
Yet, the road to success for most black women isn’t easy. Many women’s dreams of a successful career have come to reality. Strangely enough, some women have been trying to have it all. This marks the clash. There are women who focus on the primary care of their families while delaying their personal dreams. Others dedicate their lives to their careers while compromising the stability of their families. In the middle, there are millions of mothers who attempt to do it all out of necessity and attempt to chase the great American Dream. This article focuses on the issues facing professional women and provides solutions. Several professional women were interviewed. However, their real names are not disclosed, to protect them since they work in small industries.
The Problem
According to the 2005 Census Report, there are 82.5 million mothers in the United States,
and there are 10 million single mothers living with children under 18 years old. Working moms make up 55 percent of mothers with infants. Feminists celebrate the liberation of working women while traditionalists postulate the merits of home-bound mothers for institutional stability. In fact, some people blame the moral decay of the country on mothers abandoning their families for professional careers. Many women try to maintain a healthy balance of work and family life, but this balancing act leaves some of them “burnt out.” Therefore, there is a growing problem for women in particular and society in general in understanding consequences of women’s power in the near future.
The Trend
Women stand at the fore front of disruptive change in the political, social, economic, and technological sectors of most counties. Dr. James Canton’s
The Extreme Future notes “Women will comprise a high percentage of new workers and leaders, forever changing the politics of boardrooms and markets.” According to a US Census report, nearly one-third of all married women in the US make more than their husbands. More than 25% of working wives earned more their husbands in 2007 (up from 20% in 1983). Furthermore, women are earning college degrees at a faster pace than men. Between 2000 and 2001, women earned 57% of all undergraduate degrees.
Woman power is also being flexed in the corporate world. In 1983, women held 34% of all US executive and managerial positions. However, women held more than 50% of these positions in 2003. Futurist John Cashmen predicts women will forever change the landscape of all institutions: “The number of women in the primary breadwinner role will likely grow in coming decades, driven by social change and the fact that women’s educational achievement is outpacing men’s in many parts of the world.” Therefore, executives must consider how the changing roles of women in organizations will impact their corporate strategies.
The Career Strategy
Progressive women need to develop critical career strategies in a holistic fashion. Balancing work and family is difficult. In general, some men are already taking this transition personally. Some men are opting for the domestic life while their wives become the principal breadwinners. Therefore, society watches gender role reversals and wonder how it will end…relational success or failure?
For working women, any results are often problematic anyway. Yenissee Alonso and Vickie Brint, authors of the article
Women in the Workplace, argue that women still deal with institutional barriers that keep them from being successful. For example, women in general are making less than their counterparts doing the same job with the same experience.
Alonso and Brint note, “Since nearly half of the workforce is comprised of women, it stands to reason that woman should be enjoying the same success as their male counterparts in terms of advancement opportunities and earning capacity.” Princeton researchers in a 2003 study concluded that college-educated women who hold higher expectations for their potential mate may lower their chances for getting married. In fact, some men may be uncomfortable with having a woman who has more education and makes more than them, postulate some theorists.
Sue Means is a professional engineer in a highly competitive consulting industry. She sees challenges for professional women. She notes that men are treated differently. Means explains, “Some of my colleagues talk about how pretty I am. They comment on my clothes and make suggestions regarding what I should wear. That would not happen to a man.”
Liza Fuller is a government program manager with a decade of experience in handling difficult environmental issues. She exists in a mostly male dominated industry. Fuller notes, “Women are still expected to work harder than men to prove themselves and avoid criticism. Attractive women still get grief about being promoted for reasons other than their own merit and it’s not fair.”
Furthermore, Canton suggests that the most educated, skilled, and experienced employees will be in high demand. Therefore, professional women need better strategies. Means recommends prioritizing what’s important: “I let go what’s not important. Most women get overwhelmed with trying to manage all of the household and family responsibilities while working at the same time. You need to be realistic about what you can do. It’s a balancing act.” Some women feel that they can have it all without any drop off. Fuller disagrees: “There is always a sacrifice because you spend more time away from your family.” Although there will be an ever increasing number of opportunities for women in the workplace, women must analyze every career move in a holistic fashion if they want to keep that delicate balance.
Conclusion
The future is bright for working women as never before. In fact, women will drive most institutions toward major changes in the near term. However, this article demonstrated that the road to success for most professional women isn’t easy. They must deal with sexism to a certain degree. However, the demands of their professional life have not kept up with the heavy demands of a family and personal life. Therefore, women must develop career strategies in a holistic manner that maximizes their efforts. Black women continue to excel against tremendous obstacles. In turn, society must learn how to embrace women’s power in the future if America hopes to continue to compete.
Dr. Daryl D. Green writes on contemporary issues impacting individuals, businesses, and society across the globe. With over 18 years of management experience, Dr. Green’s expertise has been noted and quoted by USA Today, Ebony Magazine, and Associated Press. For more information, you can go to
http://stores.lulu.com/darygre
or http://www.darylgreen.org
Intimate
Conversation with Connie May Fowler
New
York Times bestselling writer Connie May Fowler is an essayist,
screenwriter, and novelist. She is the author of five novels, most recently The
Problem with Murmur Lee, and a memoir, When Katie Wakes. In 1996, she published
Before Women Had Wings, which became a paperback bestseller and was made into a
successful Oprah Winfrey Presents movie. She founded the Connie May Fowler Women
With Wings Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to aiding women and
children in need. Connie lives in Florida.
Ella: What specific situation or revelation prompted you to write your new
book, How Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly?
I was reading up on pre-Civil war Florida history and discovered that when
Florida was a Spanish territory, women could be property owners and slavery was
outlawed. But Spain and the United States signed an agreement that would change
all of that. The Florida Purchase Treaty of 1819 guaranteed that the United
States would lay claim to Florida in 1821. With a stroke of a pen and strike of
a clock, suddenly all women and blacks would have their rights stripped away.
That haunted me and I walked around with that kernel in my head for a few years
before I sat down to write the novel, which takes place in 2006 but is populated
with ghosts.
Ella: Take us inside the book. What are two major events taking place?
The book tracks a day in the life of Clarissa Burden, a woman who wakes on the
Summer Solstice with the knowledge that her life must change because she is
wracked with spousal death scenarios and writer’s block. Concurrent with her
story is that of Olga Villada. Villada and her family are ghosts, their souls
unable to move on from the place where they were brutally murdered. Their
stories converge, resulting in a startling and life-changing chain of events.
Ella:
Who do you want to reach with your book, How Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly,
and the message within?
I think this book will have a broad appeal. The book, at its core, is about
freedom—individual and universal—and it’s wrapped up in a story that is
both comedic and dramatic. I think readers of many ages and races will identify
with the struggles of Clarissa Burden and Olga Villada.
Ella: How will reading your book shape the readers lives?
One, I hope it will make readers laugh even amid a few tears. But if there is
one message I want readers to gain, it’s that how easy it is for the course of
history—the course of one person’s individual day—to go suddenly very,
very wrong. There are bad people in this world—sometimes bad people have all
the trappings of kindness—and they are capable of terrible things. So we have
to be vigilant for ourselves and for one another. Casual prejudices and ordinary
meanness can, in the blink of an eye, become lethal. So we have to learn to be
pro-actively kind and relentless protective of our rights.
Ella: What are some of their specific issues, needs or problems addressed in
this book?
Women’s issues, race, personal empowerment, marital relations, Florida
history.
Ella: What was the most powerful chapter in, How Clarissa Burden Learned
to Fly?
I think that once Clarissa decides—in a fit of rage—to kill her husband,
this book takes a major turn and all the chapters that follow are highly
entertaining, shocking, and ultimately satisfying.
Ella: Share with us your latest news, awards or upcoming book releases.
I recently wrote a story for Slate’s online women’s site DoubleX about how
the Haitian earthquake has severely impacted their women’s movement. How
Clarissa Burden Learns to Fly will be in stores April 2, 2010.
Ella: How can our readers reach you online? Share with us your online contact
info. My
website is www.conniemayfowler.com.
I blog at http://blog.conniemayfowler.com/
Readers can also follow me on Twitter and friend me on Facebook, where I’m
very active. There is also a Facebook fan page for How
Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly. In March, in honor of Clarissa and
those pesky spousal death scenarios that haunt her, I am launching the Clarissa
Burden Postcard Project in which I will be asking readers to anonymously
send me one secret they cannot tell their spouse or partner. The secrets
can be silly or serious, and will be posted on my website.
Purchase How Clarissa Burden Learned to Fly today
ISBN-10: 0446540684 | ISBN-13: 978-0446540681
Intimate
Conversation with Thembisa S. Mshaka
Thembisa S. Mshaka is a 5-time Telly Award winner and 17-year entertainment
industry veteran whose career spans the areas of touring, management, magazine
publishing, recorded music and technology, advertising, music supervision for
film, voice over, and television. As Senior Copywriter at Sony Music, her
campaigns contributed to the sale of more than 150 million albums for Lauryn
Hill, Will Smith, Beyonce’, NaS, Maxwell and others. Her byline has appeared
in essence.com, newsone.com, and TheHotness.com. She contributed to the
anthologies Sometimes Rhythm: Sometimes Blues edited by Taigi Smith and Icons of
Hip-Hop, edited by Mickey Hess.
BPM: What makes you powerful as a person and a writer?
First and foremost my relationship with the Creator fortifies me and helps me to
remember what’s really important. I also have to mention my connection to my
African-American heritage; the strength and support of my family; my education
at single-sex institutions from middle school through undergraduate. Women’s
education gave me a strong, healthy sense of identity. I also learned how to
summon my personal power and sharpen my communication through the Landmark
Education curriculum, which I completed in 2003.
BPM: Who are your mentors?
My mentors are my late mother, Fulani Mshaka, to whom I dedicated my book,
author Terrie M. Williams, who taught me the value of the personal touch in
business, and music executive turned film producer Lisa Cortes, whose path
greatly inspires mine.
BPM: Finish this sentence- My writing offers the following legacy to future
readers...
My writing offers the following legacy to future readers by thrusting the voices
of women who work in entertainment into the literary cannon. Put Your Dreams
First provides mentorship from over 90 women so readers won’t have to
compromise their bodies or values to be successful in entertainment. Writing
this book crystallized the importance of legacy building for me.
BPM: Introduce us to the primary message in your book, Put Your Dreams
First.
That while men dominate the entertainment world, women drive it—and their
business insights can help all readers become successful while keeping their
integrity intact. The key is to Put Your Dreams First, hence the title.
This highly informative guide is for every woman wanting to know how to navigate
the entertainment superhighway and find that job of a lifetime.
BPM: Share with us 2 or 3 life enhancing sections from Put Your Dreams First:
Handle Your [entertainment] Business.
The Work-Life Balance Myth
Yeah, I said it. Balancing work and family is a myth. While PDAs and laptops
allow us to seem like we’re in many places at once, in the physical realm, we
have yet to clone ourselves. Until that day, we’re left with the choice to
make our passion for work and our love for our spouses, partners, children and
families work. As a wife of almost twelve years who was seen many an industry
couple implode, and as a mother of a young son who has been the ear and shoulder
for countless single parents, I am clear that “balance” in this scenario is
non-applicable. Once I figured this out, I became a much more successful wife.
My choice to make a family and personal life work looked like me giving up my
90+ hour a week job for one where I could actually leave the office at 6
o’clock without my boss looking at me sideways.
Thankfully you don’t have to be a home maker in the 21st
century, but if you want to nurture a committed relationship and raise children
you do need to be home. And while I was working at Gavin, I was barely ever
home. I was either in the office or out at clubs, radio stations, retail
outlets, concerts. My professional life was my personal life. I was always in
work mode. Ironically when I got to New York I was pulling down fewer hours a
week. Outside of preparing for campaign presentations and shoots, my weekends
belonged to me. Being home at 6:30 pm means being home for dinner instead of
dinner meetings with a promotion rep. It allows for a date with my husband on
weekend evenings when I might otherwise be networking at an industry event.
Now that my son is here, my weekends are split between him
and me, since my husband’s the one working weekends in real estate. I am much
happier running him from sports camp at Chelsea Piers to play dates and parties
than I was making appearances at every event just to stay ahead of what and
whoever was the next big thing. I still go out, but I am much more selective
because my work as a tastemaker has grown and shifted. I’m not part of the
underground anymore. I helped take it mainstream, so that’s where I reside
now. As a creative I get my creative food from multiple sources: museums,
theater, gardens, travel, community events, all things that don’t have to mean
leaving the family to engage in them.
Yvette Noel-Schure has made her work and home life work for over 25
years, but not without the real-world sacrifice of her husband and both their
families to make sure her three children didn’t miss out on their mother. This
harmony we seek between work life and home life requires an orchestra of support
from the Village of which the African proverb speaks. Yvette describes how her
family has gathered around her before her career took off, starting with
“three people with one name, my husband, my husband, my husband. He doesn’t
have the hang-ups many have about roles. I got married my first year of college
and had my son my second year. I would go to school four days and be home twice
a week as often as I could. My husband ran an ice cream parlor in the Village at
night. We crossed each other a lot on the stairs. As my career changed, we asked
a family member to help with the younger children.
After September 11th we vowed to change our lives and opted
not to chase two incomes. My husband works from home and I am out
‘galavantin’ as my grandmother says,” she laughs. “I have the most
unconventional job in the family and I have missed a lot, but not when it comes
to the kids. When there’s a boo-boo to blow, I blow it. I don’t miss
recitals or meets. I am on the 5:30 bus so I can be at dinner by 7:00 if it
kills me! The girls of Destiny’s Child would tease me because I was always
going home right after a job; the first time I went to an after-party, I was in
London and couldn’t go home. The paycheck is not for me, it’s for the
family.”
Nzingha has a wake-up call for us women who aren’t keeping track of the
time as we climb the career ladder. “All the stuff you want to do—get
married, have kids, guess what? The higher you go the more it ain’t hapnin’.
The fight gets harder, and you’re fighting to keep your very life. I want to
share a quote for those who don’t know what they’re getting into or how deep
the rabbit hole goes,” Nzingha says. “It’s from All About Eve where
Margo Channing is talking to her girlfriend Karen about climbing up the
ladder.” Here is Margo’s sage wisdom as written in the 1950 classic by John
Mankiewicz:
MARGO “The things you drop on your way up
the ladder, so you can move faster.
You forget you'll need them again
when you go back to being a woman.
That's one career all females have
in common - whether we like it or
not - being a woman.
Sooner or later we've all got to
work at it, no matter what other
careers we've had or wanted... and,
in the last analysis, nothing is
any good unless you can look up
just before dinner or turn around
in bed - and there he is.
Without that, you're not woman.”
As long the myth of balance is playing in your head, you’ll be looking for
everything to balance out. The truth of the matter is creating a relationship
and making the time to be in one is up to you, not the circumstances of life.
You have to put the brakes on to be available for your partner. Sure that
person’s going to feel insecure and intimidated if you’re hardly there,
because they barely know you. Relationships have to have time invested in the
same way careers do.
If the only muscle your flexin’ is your career muscle, your
relationship muscles will weaken and atrophy to the point where you forget how
to even be in a relationship. That’s how so many of us end up married to our
careers, pushin’ 40 or more, lonely as hell, with all our self-esteem and
identity intertwined with what we do to the point that when we lose the job, we
lose ourselves. “I’ve gone to a lot of panels that are allegedly about
balancing career and family,” Stephanie chuckles. “What I actually end up
hearing is a lot of people having one or the other. You may have a very
successful single mom because the husband couldn’t stick around, couldn’t go
a long with her drive. I think women can have both, but at different times. You
have to choose which one you want.” Stephanie chose family and in her case,
even after demonstrating her commitment, her spouse could not support her line
of work. “I haven’t had any children. I wish I had; I had a husband but he
didn’t stick around because it wasn’t so much that I chose a career, it was
the career I chose. He was very intimidated by it.”
The pain we endure as we endeavor to make it all work is very real. In
Stephanie’s case, her marriage was crippling her career instead of supporting
it as was the case with Yvette. But her failure at the relationship itself
almost took her under. Stephanie’s divorce was devastating to her. In the
darkness of its aftermath, she learned how strong she really was. “I went
through an emotional breakdown directly related to going through a divorce,”
she reflects. “and right before I got laid off at the PR firm where I worked.
Even though that was like a blessing because I didn’t want
to work there anymore, I figured I was out of a job and the whole marriage was
collapsing…it was a very traumatic time. I found myself waking up laying in
the middle of the floor crying every day. Eventually I crawled out of bed one
day and ended up seeing someone at a mental health clinic in Hollywood. They
gave me medication, told me how to take it, and said I’d start to get relief
in a month. I was like, ‘a month?! With the anxiety and pain I was feeling, if
I had to endure another four weeks I would not be around for the medication to
take effect. I put those meds in my closet and never took them. I knew then I
had to draw on strength from God. I had one friend who stepped me through all
this, but I didn’t turn to a lot of individuals. I turned to the power of
prayer. I started to call my energy back and transform it. It was very
spiritual, intense, very conscious and targeted. Once I changed the way I was
thinking about my life, my whole life changed.”
Stephanie’s testimony is an offering to anyone starting out in the business.
the lesson she learned in the middle of her career is one you can implement at
the start of yours. Commit to making yourself work, however that looks for you.
Be it through religious or spiritual practice, self-improvement, wellness,
mediation, yoga, the list goes on. The more centered you are the better prepared
you will be for the inevitable curveballs your journey in this game will be.
BPM: What led you to create Put Your Dreams First now?
After being in the industry for 18 years, I’ve seen too many women play
themselves to ‘get put on’. Instead of complaining about it or judging them,
I wanted to educate them. I also wanted to shine a light on the women who go
about being successful without being golddiggers, video vixens, or strippers. We
are much more than those sexualized archetypes. I also wanted men to read about
the business from women’s points of view so they understand the impact of
their biases in their relationships with women, platonic or not.
BPM: What issues in today's society do you address in Put Your Dreams
First?
Wow. The women in this book cover it all: navigating the workplace, pay inequity
and its impact, choices made between work and personal life. I specifically
address the full career timeline, from getting the business to thriving in it
and then, exiting if you so choose. I also give straight-up tips on how to exit
a job powerfully called The 10 Severance Commandments.
BPM: Before we end the interview, define SUCCESS. What part does GRATITUDE
play in achieving success, in your opinion?
A huge part. Gratitude means you understand that your success is bigger than
you; it happens because of the strength and support you receive from a higher
power, one’s mentors, family and friends. The ungrateful person is rarely in
the moment. They are usually upset about something or wrapped up in themselves;
what they feel people owe them. Ingrates may experience success, but it is not
nearly as fulfilling or long-lasting.
BPM: How can our readers reach you online?
My blog covers women, business, and entertainment: www.thembisamshaka.com.
The site for the book is www.putyourdreamsfirst.com.
I am on Twitter at www.twitter.com/putyrdreams1st.
I am also on Facebook and BlackPlanet under Thembisa Mshaka. Thanks for the
interview and thanks to all the readers for reaching out and supporting my work.
Mom
of two, wife of 14 years, graphic designer, author and a dreamer. I make it a
point to only do things that I am passionate about and only deal with positive
people. I grew up in Southeast DC and have been writing since I was 10 years
old. It has always been my dream to see my words in print, and this is a dream
come true for me. I love writing stories that are filled with passion, intrigue,
and compelling story lines. If it doesn’t feel good to me when I’m writing
it...I won’t write it. I love books that grab you, pull you in and hold you. I
love story lines that keep you guessing too.
I wrote my first self-published novel named “Diamond Lives, Platinum Lies”
in 2007 which has received shining reviews. my second book, “It’s Always the
Pretty Ones” was released in 2008 and has received glowing reviews as well. In
June 2009, my dream came true when I signed on to Anexander Books.
BPM:
How much of what you write reflects on your outlook on life?
It depends. I always feel like characters are like your kids. They all carry a
bit of you in them when they are created. I agree sometimes I let a little of my
views on certain things leak out through my characters, but only when it is
relevant to the story.
BPM:
Who are your mentors? Where do you find your inspiration?
I would say my mentor is my publisher Torrian Ferguson. (The best publisher in
the world, by the way). He has really taken me under his wing and let’s me dig
around in his head whenever I need to. He is fair and honest...all the things I
want to be as a writer and business woman. I find my inspiration in everyday
things; music, nature, my favorite movies, my friends and family. I truly
believe that the best fiction comes from real life!
BPM:
What do you think of the increasingly fortuitous sex in African
American literature?
I don’t mind the sex IF it add to or is relevant to the story. I personally am
not a fan of the really XXX-rated scenes and the really harsh language, but I
don’t knock anyone’s hustle. If it’s not your thing, just don’t buy it.
;o)
I love writing sex scenes that are erotic and steamy, but also fit in line with
what the characters are involved in or going through in the story. I don’t
think just throwing sex all over the book is good for the storyline or the
readers. Just like in real life, it should mean something.
BPM:
Introduce us to your main characters in The D-Cup Divas.
The book series (The D-Cup Divas) spotlights the lives of four confident,
successful plus size women:
Chandra, he sassy, take no prisoners, very well to-do psychiatrist that
has a hard time letting her iron clad guard down in the area of love. Rossalyn,
Chandra’s little sister, who is the mediator of the group. She tends to want
everyone to get along and tries to see the good I any and everybody.
Lanora, the oldest of the group, but the most active. She is a total sex
kitten that loves it anyway and anywhere she can get it. Samantha, the
domestic goddess. She loves her family and her husband. An avid church-goer and
“goody-two-shoes” as Lanora calls her. She loves everything in its place and
is a huge perfectionist.
BPM: Who are your favorites? Are your characters from the
portrayal of real people?
I would say Lanora is my favorite. Even though I am just getting started on her
book it has been so much fun writing her in the first two! She is an open book,
and a bit of a trouble maker. She always has a smart comeback for anything. I
would say parts of her do remind me of someone in my life. (I won’t call her
out though...LOL)
BPM:
What role do you give the " mean-spirited" characters?
Do you have such characters?
The books do have antagonists. I always write the bad guys to be wake up
experiences for the main characters. Just like in our real lives, sometimes we
overlook or miss certain things in people we should notice. Also sometimes we
want something so badly, we ignore the warnings or open ourselves up for
heartaches. I want my “bad guys” to have a purpose in the main characters
lives. Whether it be something they ignored by being selfish or negligent, or
whether they bought it on themselves.
BPM:
What specific situation or revelation prompted you to write your
book?
I wanted to write a book(s), that highlighted plus size or curvy woman the way
MOST of us feel! We are not low down, on drugs, miserable, on welfare or
depressed. Like me, they are all beautiful, confident and successful women! The
books do not condone unhealthy living. None of my characters are huddled over
cheesecake or inactive. The purpose was to spotlight the girls that will never
be a size 2, 6, 9 or ever a 12 or 14. They are about seeing these women and
realizing that, “hey, I’m beautiful and sexy too!”
BPM:
What are some of their specific issues, needs or problems
addressed in this book?
I would say in the current book, it deal with the issue of women who get all the
accolades and success they want, but then turn around and say that, “They
don’t need a man” or “A man can’t do anything for me that I can’t do
for myself.” A lot of times we can get so hard on the outside and full of
ourselves that we miss the good men you are looking for.
BPM:
Share with us your latest news, awards or upcoming book releases.
Well, aside from the huge popularity of the D-Cup Divas Series (in which all the
books are set to come out concurrently), I also have The very first D-Cup Divas
Dialogues coming in October of this year! It will be a showcase talent that just
oozes love for the plus size figure. There will be monologues from each of the
characters in the series, spoken word, poetry and short story readings. It is
going to be a huge event! You can get more info about the casting calls and the
event itself at www.THEDCupDivas.com .
I will also be writing more books that feature plus sized heroines in upcoming
books under the D-Cup Divas™ line.
BPM:
How can our readers reach you online?
I can be reached at my website: www.THEDCupDivas.com
or www.LaVondaHoward.com. You
can also get in touch with me on Facebook (VondaHoward).
Intimate Conversation
with author Cairo
Cairo divides his time between Jersey and California,
and is the author of The Man Handler and The Kat Trap. His many
travels to Egypt are what inspired his pen name.
BPM: What makes you powerful as a person and a writer? Where do you
find your inspiration?
My ability to write in both male/female voice, to mentally seduce, and create
erotic images in my reader's minds through words that leave a lasting impression
are what make me a powerful writer. My inspiration comes from the universe.
BPM:
Introduce us to your book, Daddy Long Stroke, and the main characters. Daddy Long Stroke is a voyeuristic look into the mind of a womanizer who
manipulates and seduces women by using what he's got--good looks, chiseled
physique, charisma, and sexual prowess--to get what he wants without remorse, or
regret. The main character in Daddy Long Stroke is the sexy Alexander
Maples a.k.a Daddy Long Stroke. Arrogant and self-indulged, he is what every
woman secretly craves in the bedroom--rough, rugged, and ravenous. And he is
always happy to deliver. When it comes to pleasing a woman, he knows no
boundaries, leaving no area untouched, not even her heart--or her wallet. But
love is the last thing on his mind. Getting paid, and whetting his sexual
appetite are the only things that motivate this salacious gigolo. And any woman
trying to claim him finds herself on the receiving of heartache, tears, and
drama.
Dramatic, bold and racy, Daddy Long Stroke uncovers
the shocking and painful reality of some men's belief systems about women and
sex. Written in raw, graphic language, Daddy Long Stroke is a cautionary
tale of one man's insatiable thirst for sex and his quest to bed down as many
women he possibly can—no matter the costs, and no matter who gets hurt in the
process.
BPM: Are your characters from the portrayal of real people?
Although Daddy Long Stroke is a fictitious character, I'm sure many of us know
of someone who is like (or similar to) the main character in this book.
BPM: What specific situation or revelation prompted you to write your
book?
Daddy Long Stroke was written for all the women who crave thick chocolate, and
the bad boys who serve it.
BPM: Who do you want to reach with your book and the message within?
I want to reach the sexually liberated and open-minded. The message in Daddy
Long Stroke is don't get emotionally attached to someone who is only looking for
no-strings attached sex. Bottom line, everyone who makes good love to you isn't
always gonna be good for you.
BPM: What do you think makes your book different from others on the
same subject?
Besides the fact that the sex scenes are on fire, what makes my book different
from others on the same subject is that I give it to readers rough and raw. It's
blunt, graphic, in your face dialogue. Period.
BPM: Ultimately, what do you want readers to gain
from your book?
Aside from great sex tips and a toe-curling, stimulating read, I want readers to
gain insight into their own sexual behaviors. For them to indulge their
sexualities respectfully. And to enjoy the sexual revolution responsibly!
It seems like every day now, I hear on the news or read in a newspaper, the tale of the rape of a young girl, be she 3 years old or 16 years old, or as old as eighty decades or more. And at times, the rapist, in his vile, demonic quest for sexual gratification, goes as far as to rape and destroy the tender body of a baby girl, as young as nine months old, who has not yet learned to crawl.
Each time I hear these tales, I am appalled, I am disgusted, I am angered that such an horrific deed continues to infest and infect our society. I must admit, I am terrified that one day it might be my child, my neighbor, or even my own body that is so viciously violated. I am told that rape is not about love, not about sex, not about enjoyment. I am told that rape is about power, about control, about dominance. Is this so, is this true, is that what rape is about?
Then tell me, please, why must a rapist humiliate, desecrate, even terminate the life of a woman in order to feel all powerful? Why is a female, no matter her age, no matter her position, no matter her ethnicity, viewed as a threat to a being who calls himself a man? Surely, a nine-month old baby girl is not a threat to anyone. Surely, a nine-month old baby girl has said nothing to denigrate any man. And most definitely, surely, a nine-month old baby girl has deceived no one.
So, is rape about power? Is rape about dominance? Is rape about control? I think not. I think rape is about self-gratification, about self-indulgence, about selfishness. Rape is about lack of control, about lack of morals, about lack of respect, about lack of discipline, and about lack of godliness. When a man can rape an innocent baby, when a man can rape his own mother, when a man can rape anyone; he is evil in his soul, he is evil in his mind, he is evil in his spirit, he is the Devil’s own, and he should go back to hell from whence his ungodly spirit came.
We, as women, must protect ourselves and we must protect our daughters. It doesn’t matter whose daughter a girl is, all girls are ours to protect. This is not to say that men as fathers, as brothers, as sons, as human beings, are exempt. They, too, must protect the mothers, the daughters, the sisters, the friends of man from the rapists of the world.
In 2004, I wrote a book called The Honey Well. The Honey Well was about a woman, a mother, who prostituted her own daughter in order to keep a roof over their heads. The Honey Well was based loosely on the true story of a woman who, indeed, prostituted all six of her own daughters in order to survive during the Great Depression in America.
After writing The Honey Well, I was lead to write a poem, Baby Girl, which speaks to my message of protecting our daughters.
BABY GIRL
Baby girl, baby girl, you’re born into a world in which you are
a pearl. You’re precious, you’re pure, you’re lovely to behold,
yet you’re ignorant to the world of troubles that shadow you.
If you are not protected, you will be used, abused, stolen
and misused, maybe your life taken to render you voiceless.
For you, baby girl, are born with something more precious
than the golden sweet honey made by the honey bees.
Kings have abdicated, battles have been fought once eyes
have set upon your beauty and man has tasted of your honey.
Some men will not wait to be worthy, some men will
seize what is yours by right of birth.
You can choose, baby girl, you can decide.
You have a will, you have a voice, let no one take it from you.
Baby girl, baby girl, grow in mind, grow in body,
grow in spirit, and nurture your soul.
Protect yourself, respect yourself, and know that only you
can lose yourself
I am not naive. I know that since the dawn of time, women and men both have put price tags on a woman’s body, and that is unfortunate, but we as human beings have done many things in order to survive. And even then, most women who would prostitute their bodies in order to feed their children are oftentimes filled with shame.
Rape is not about survival. Rape is not about choice. Rape is about evilness.
In
Tinisha Nicole Johnson's, "For Love or Success,"
successful career woman Jasmine Carter is a woman who dates nothing but
white-collared men. But after a string of short-lived relationships, she decides
enough is enough until she meets Kevin Matthews. Jasmine doesn't want to admit
her feelings for him, because in her mind, the men she dates must have high
profile careers. However, it comes to a point where she can no longer deny her
feelings. But will love be enough for her to take the chance?
In Nathasha Brooks-Harris, " Arctic Love Call," teacher
Ava Chantrelle Wellbourne is through with living in Brooklyn and seeking a
change in life and location. On a whim, she answers an ad to teach in all
places, Alaska. She's determined to keep her mind on nothing but her new job,
but even Ava can't deny snuggling up with Zachary Blackmon on those cold winter
nights is just what her heart needs.
In the blink of an eye, 40-year-old Kayla Powell, the heroine of Zana Kayne's,
"A Taste for Love," goes from being downsized from her
corporate executive position and losing her cheating boyfriend in one day; to
being the inheritor of Tasty Kakes, an upscale bakery. When Kayla finds herself
a victim of a robbery, young and handsome detective Clay Weston is sent to
investigate the crime, but she's more interested in investigating him. Can she
give him a taste of true love?
In Gail McFarland's, "The Twentieth Century Fox," Margie
Wilson is definitely a woman of her time. When her husband makes a break for
freedom, Margie decides that her time is now. She's determined to transform a
new inner and outer self. When she wins a gym membership, personal trainer
Justin Gray has his work cut out for him. Is he ready for Margie, The New
Twentieth Century Fox?
Order your copy at Amazon.com
Poem: I Sweep
by author/poet Monda Raquel Webb
I sweep
I sweep because my mother sweeps
And her mother sweeps
And her mother’s mother swept
From makeshift brooms held together by sticks and twine
Sweeping a dirt driveway off a dirt road
That was a throwback in time
To shiny wood and marble floors
In a home off an asphalt driveway
Where time isn’t concerned with what was but exists for the day
I sweep
I suppose I could use a robot or vacuum
It would be faster than this broom
But I sweep
Because I know my spirit
Needs a good solid broom
To sweep through heartache and pain
Love lost, lessons learned and memories gained
To sweep through weary blues
Bad news
And pundits pontificating their world views
To sweep through job loss, betrayal and the see-saws of self
Self-esteem, self-doubt, self-respect
I sweep to build emotional wealth
I sweep to prevent becoming an emotional wreck
I sweep up the dust and the dirt and the grime
Until my muscles ache and my body is sore
But when it’s done I feel just fine
I can retreat to my inner sunshine
Soothe my calloused hands and sweep some more
Wondering why so much debris
Loves to occupy this floor
I sweep this way
That way
And back again
My chin lifts
My back straightens
And my confidence is prepared to win
Over helplessness defeat and despair
With every stroke I smile and victory fills the air
Sweep sweep sweep
It’s a new day
A new time
A new place
I sweep out negative thoughts
And sweep in a new stream of consciousness
I place my broom in the corner
My buddy my friend
And I know someday
I’ll have to pick up where I left off
And sweep again
Lord,
I'm Ready to Be a Wife
by Christine Pembleton (Author)
You
can fulfill your dream of being a wife, God' s Way!
Are you waiting for your wedding day to become a wife? Your future
husband isn' t looking for any old woman; he' s looking for his wife. If you
want to attract him, stop acting like a single woman, and start acting like a
wife-in-waiting. With fresh perspectives on traditional Bible stories and the
wisdom of happily married women.
Do
you want to get married, God's way?Lord, I'm Ready to Be a
Wife will show you how to avoid common dating pitfalls and recognize a
potential husband when you meet him. Funny, real, and relevant, this book will
encourage you while you're waiting, and help you prepare to be the woman he's
always wanted to marry. The stories of Ruth and Esther will show you what it
takes to get a man to "put a ring on it" and still maintain your love
for the Lord. Today could be the day you meet the man you've been praying to
meet.
With
this book you will discover:
What
a man is looking for in a wife
How
to know if a man loves you and if he's is ready for marriage
What
marriage really has in store for you
And
so much more.
Book
Video--Lord, I'm Ready to Be a Wife: Helping You Go From Single to Married God's Way
by Christine Pembleton
The author shares her experiences as a single and now married woman. You ll discover how to change your marital status by changing
the way you look at marriage and, after you ve read this book, Queen Esther will no longer be just a Bible character, but your girlfriend.
Her story, along with Ruth, Rachel and Rebekah, will encourage you in your preparation to become the queen in your husband's
kingdom.
ISBN-10: 0615292011
ISBN-13: 978-0615292014
About
the Author Christine Pembleton is a proud wife, mother, entrepreneur, teacher, talk
show host, author, and minister of the Truth. With a sincere desire to encourage
and empower women who want fulfillment and happiness in their marriages, she
helps people understand the foundational truths of the Word of God through her
ministry of writing, speaking and teaching.
In 2008, she established the Christian Wives Club Show, a weekly internet
radio show for Christian wives and women desire to be married. The show airs
every Sunday at 9 p.m. EST on BlogTalkRadio.
With guidance from the Lord, Christine was able to complete two products,
designed to encourage and teach single women how to prepare to be wives. Dating
Tips for Saved Women: The Series is a 2-part audio series. It covers the
basics women need to know about choosing a Godly husband, and becoming a Godly
wife, before marriage. Christine has also completed her first book, Lord, I'm
Ready to Be a Wife: Helping You Go from Single to Married God's Way,
scheduled for Internet release in June 2009.
Lessons Learned: Loving Yourself As A Black Woman
by Tinisha Nicole Johnson
As a Black woman, have you ever dealt with insecurities and pressures from the world that made you feel unsure about yourself or life in general? Do you want answers and solutions to your most deepest, darkest feelings? If so,
Lessons Learned: Loving Yourself as a Black Woman is a book you should read. It is an inspirational and uplifting book, emphasizing ten life lessons addressing your intimate, personal, and professional life.
In Lessons Learned, the author passionately and straightforwardly expresses and lays out the following: --The Q&A Method of problem solving life's problems --Understanding your deepest feelings and using the positive to overcome the negative --Your self-worth is greater than you think, learn why --What women tend to think the definition of true happiness is --The five most common types of Black women --What some Black women say to themselves that they would never say out loud --Why some Black women sacrifice their souls --Balancing children, family, and friends The author thought it necessary to create a book specifically catered to Black women in the self-healing process while laying out techniques on how to gain more self-confidence and strengthen your self-worth and overall life. Life Lessons reminds Black women of the importance of loving themselves first.
[ISBN-10: 097793988X ]
Meet the Author Tinisha Nicole Johnson
Humble,
down-to-earth, relaxed, reserved at times, and a cheerful giver, are just a few words to describe Tinisha Nicole Johnson. She was born in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois and grew up and still resides in Denver, Colorado. Tinisha is an entrepreneur, an only child, and mother of two. When she's not writing, she works for a telecommunications company hosting political and sports teleconferences as a profession.
Tinisha has written various articles for 'The Black Corner' section of a local urban magazine entitled, Denver's Finest Underground. In 2004, her short story, "Mother and Son Moment," was published in the Chicken Soup for the African American Soul (2004). She also has a story featured in the Chicken Soup for the Soul: Moms and Sons (2008) and her story has been chosen as one of the 101 Best Stories. Her poetry can be seen on various sites, including her own poetry website. She contributed poetry to a collaborated anthology, entitled Step Up To The Mic: A Poetic Explosion, edited by Michael J. Burt. (September 2007) It features some of HBO's Def Poets and many more. Tinisha currently writes social and political articles for the Denver Examiner, a local news source. She is also a columnist for Sister Space - Empowering Women of
Color and Black Pearls Magazine.
Tinisha's debut novel, Searchable Whereabouts, was published and released in February 2008 by Xpress Yourself Publishing. She also collaborated with two authors in the inspiring book, Somebody Prayed For Me. Tinisha is a versatile author and writes in various genres. She also has other literary works under her belt. Tinisha is known for saying, "I'm working on my next book.".
In addition to Tinisha's literary passions, she is co-founder of a non-profit organization Authors Supporting Authors (ASA) which promotes avid reading and provides support and resources to authors. It's a great network of talented authors, artists, poets, professionals and publishers. Tinisha also manages the website and publishes a quarterly newsletter for the group.
Website: http://www.tinishanicolejohnson.com
Order your copy at Amazon.com
Intimate Conversation with E.N. Joy
E.N. Joy is the author of Me, Myself and Him, her debut work into the Christian Fiction genre. Formerly an Essence Magazine Bestselling secular author, when she decided to fully dedicate her life to Christ, that meant she had to fully dedicate her work as well. She’s launching her second Christian fiction work,
She Who Finds A Husband, February 2010.
E.N. Joy writes children's and young adult books as well as Christian fiction for adults. The executive editor for a Christian fiction imprint and a magazine columnist, she is currently working on a young adult series entitled The Soul Sisters. E.N. Joy lives in the midwest with her husband and three children. When she's not writing, she enjoys praise dancing and reading.
Ella: What current projects are you working on?
I have a series titled “The New Day Divas Series.” The first book of the five book series is titled She Who Finds A Husband (February 2010). This first book of the series reads like a soap opera in print as it goes deep-way deep-into the lives of some real church folk and some real Christian folk. It's serious, it's humorous, all while hitting taboo subjects in the gut. No stone is left unturned in these diva's lives. The second book is titled Been There, Prayed That (June 2010). The third book is titled Love, Honor or Stray (December 2010). The other two will be released in 2011. This project is one that definitely glorifies God in every aspect, but still manages to display in a godly manner that there are “Church Folks” (church fiction) and then there are “Christian Folk” (Christian fiction) and come Sunday morning, they all end up in the same place.
Ella: What made you go from writing secular works under the names Joylynn M. Jossel and JOY, to writing Christian fiction and children’s work under the names E. N. Joy and N. Joy?
That’s an easy one word answer; God. God has always been there keeping, watching over and protecting me, but it wasn’t until I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior did I acknowledge just how much God loves me. Now I live to glorify Him in everything I do, including my writing. So I’m now not only proud to be a Christian, but proud to be a Christian fiction author.
Ella: Please introduce us to your new Christian Fiction title, She Who Finds a Husband.
What was the pastor of New Day Temple of Faith thinking when approving the creation of the New Day Singles Ministry? Better yet, what were its members thinking when they joined?
Doreen, lovingly known as the Church Mother of New Day, thought that when she presented the idea of the ministry to the pastor, it could serve as a foundation to empower, encourage, and enlighten the church’s single members. But when only women join and Doreen learns that all these women want only one thing out of the ministry—help in finding a man—her mission goes astray.
She Who Finds a Husband is what you get when you combine some Divine, some Independent, some Virtuous, some Animated, and some Stoic personalities all in one setting—DIVAS! Dig into this soap opera in print as the women of New Day Temple of Faith Singles Ministry set flight to include men in their future, not realizing that the past is what’s keeping them bound.
Ella: What was your first Christian fiction title?
It’s titled Me, Myself and Him. It came out March 2008. It’s about a woman who is trying to live in the word while holding onto the hand of her live in boyfriend, who is in the world. When the story begins, neither the main character or her boyfriend are practicing Christians. The story shows the struggle between an unsaved couple, when one partner begins to fall in love with Jesus.
Ella: What was your first children’s story?
My children’s’ story is titled The Secret Olivia Told Me. It was published September 2007. In February 2008, the American Library Association gave the book a Coretta Scott King Honor for illustration. Scholastics Books purchased the book club rights, and the book is on tour across the country at various schools for book fairs.
Ella: What is the difference, if any, between writing secular fiction and Christian fiction?
There is a big difference. Now, instead of outlining and figuring out in which direction I want the story to go, I simply get in God’s word, get in God’s face, ask Him what He wants me to do, what He wants me to say, what He wants the message to be, then I take dictation from the Holy Spirit.
Ella: Do you ever stray from what you think God is calling you to write?
I try very hard to keep my mind clear; to make sure I’m in tune with the Holy Spirit when I’m writing. But I’m going to tell the truth and shame the devil; I’m human, so just like in every day life, when it comes to my writing, I do sometimes allow my flesh to rise up and do it’s own thing. I have written things that I thought the reader might want to read without consulting the true author. Do I get convicted for it? Yes, via readers’ emails and reviews…and some of them, unlike God, have no mercy. So I try my best to stick to ghostwriting…Holy Ghost writing that is.
Ella: Is writing a full-time job for you?
Yes, well, actually, I have two full-time jobs (three if you count taking care of my family). I write full-time and I edit full-time.
I’m the acquisition editor for Urban Christian (www.urbanchristianonline.net). I’m also the editor for the “Sinner Series”, which includes the titles Even Sinners Have Souls (Nikki Turner, Noire, Chunichi), Even Sinners Have Souls Too (K’Wan, Michel Moore, Victor L. Martin) and Even Sinners STILL Have Souls (Kiki Swinson, Karen Williams, Brandi Johnson).
Born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio author Kovabis MJ developed a love for reading and an aspiration to write at around the age of 19. While in college she began putting her desire into practice by writing poetry. She then moved on to journalizing her thoughts and experiences on paper. Today
Kovabis MJ is a mother of two daughters. She enjoys spending time with her family, volunteering, coaching and mentoring. Website:
http://www.kovabismj.com
BPM: What inspired you to write Operation Real Love: A Woman’s Guide to Protection against the Playa Pimp?
I was inspired to write this book by the increasing issues we have in our communities with unhealthy male/female relationships. I wanted to shed light on a common practice within the dating landscape that is proving detrimental to the social fabric of family life and loving relationships between Black men and women. I felt that I had something positive to offer from my many years of experience and observations in life and love.
BPM: How is your book different than others in the market?
My book is different because it gives a unique perspective for women to consider in the complex dating scene.
Operation Real Love: A Woman’s Guide to Protection against the Playa Pimp is a guide that brings light to the various games players use in exploiting a woman’s genuine love and care, for their sole benefit. This straightforward book gives its readers real tools and strategies for recognizing emotional abuse, enhancing their love life, and acknowledging how they are empowered to transform the things that are not producing positive outcomes in the quality of love they desire and deserve.
No newcomer to the many challenges involved with maintaining positive and productive relationships with some men, Kovabis M.J.
gives you her in-depth analysis on some of the most destructive relationship practices currently plaguing today’s dating landscape.
This incredible resource will provide you with beneficial information that will save you years of unnecessary pain and aggravation in tolerating an unproductive love connection. Her practical and street savvy approach in identifying men who exploit and manipulate women will inform you of innovative ways of self- empowerment against these attacks on your precious love force. She then inspire you further by suggesting ways which can help you re-connect with your natural inner-power in order to consciously evolve from negative relationship experiences. Her wise words of reason and encouragement in this guide helps instill within the mind of its readers the bravery required to freshly approach the true concept of love by opening up their heart, mind and spirit to its more positive and productive possibilities.
BPM: What issues in today’s society have you addressed in Operation Real Love?
There has grown to become within our community this ‘playa or pimpin’ culture that some of us have learned to tolerate within our personal lives. Some women feel that they have no power to stop these experiences with the men who choose to express this persona. My book addresses the ‘pimpin culture’ to shed light on some of its aspects and how a woman can protect her love from those who seek to exploit her.
BPM: What is your most valuable lesson learned about the publishing industry?
The lesson I’ve learned is that you have to believe in your work. You must be determined and ambitious in accomplishing your goal of publishing your work and be willing to allow others, who have more experience in the industry, to mentor you, especially if they have your best interest at heart.
BPM: What needs does your book meet that makes it a must for someone to buy?
Instead of fighting ‘fire with fire’ the men who chose to be playa or pimps, women are encouraged to rise above the pain resulting from hurt and heartbreak through self protection, empowerment and awareness.
BPM: What is the most controversial aspect of your message in your book?
My book takes a close look at the mentality of a playa pimp and sheds light to the origin of his mindset by addressing some of the family issues currently afflicting some families in the African American community. It also encourages the responsibility of the Black media to become more conscious about the music it chooses to showcase and play for its listeners and viewers.
To schedule an interview, book signings or request copies for sale, please contact:
Author Kovabis M. Jones
P.O. Box 11142, Cincinnati, Ohio 45211-0142
Or by email: Kovabis@kovabismj.com
Operation Real Love: A Woman’s Guide to Protection against the Playa Pimp
ISBN # 978-0-9841991-7-4; Purchase online on author’s website: http://www.kovabismj.com
Intimate Conversation with Andrelena Harris
Born in Long Beach, California and reared on Governor's Island, New York and New Orleans, Louisiana.
Andrelena's focus is on the "empowerment" of women. Her passion to equip women to overcome challenges in life stems from her own life experiences. A single parent, a past victim of domestic violence, and living a life of destruction, Andrelena rose out of her circumstances to proclaim that she is
"Somebody". At an early age, writing became her sanctuary. Writing the truth became her praise. After receiving a vision that launched her into her purpose, Andrelena sets out to inspire, motivate, and encourage women to live life to the fullest. Her love for broken women transpires in her poetry and her letters.
Andrelena Harris is a proud mother of three, a publisher, and published writer. She is a motivational speaker, and a visual artist. She speaks to inner city youth about self esteem, value, finding purpose, reaching goals and spends her leisure time making the world a better place one day at a time.
Ella: Allow me to introduce the readers to Letters to the Sisterhood. Letters to the Sisterhood is a book of healing letters for the wounded woman's soul. With the many challenges women face today i.e, single parenting, abuse, low self-esteem, inner conflict, depression, and self discovery; there are few solutions that understands the woman's crying soul. This book tackles those deep rooted issues; written by a woman that has been through it all.
Andrelena, by her experiences, is determined to reach women through her letters, to instill confidence, self esteem, self respect, love, wisdom and value into the hearts of wounded women. Written woman to woman and sister to sister, these letters will empower you.
Letters to the Sisterhood is a book that enlightens, inspires, motivates, teaches, and guides with real woman to woman talk, laughter, tears, and love.
Ella: Andrelena, what led you to create this book now?
A. My compassion for broken women lead me to my purpose for creating this book and writing these letters. More and more women are becoming depressed and losing sight of God and themselves; even turning to drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of destructive behavior. Now, is the time for a message of hope and renewal for these women.
Ella: Who should read this book and why?
A. Women that are faced with the many trials of life i.e. single parenting, abuse, low self esteem, depression, and self discovery because Letters to the Sisterhood speaks about those issues and offer hope and an answer. Even men can read this book. In fact, many men have read this book and saw the trials of a woman through a woman's perspective and their eyes were opened.
Ella: What impact will this book have on the community?
A. It would have a major impact because Letters to the Sisterhood is about community and love. Loving God, loving self, and loving others. It's about functioning and prospering as one being to effect many others. It is about coming out of gutter living and striving for excellence.
Ella: What inspired you to write these letters?
A. God. I had a vision that moved me into action and I will not stop until African American women know that they are important and they are loved beyond measure! Through my own life experiences, making bad choices, having low self esteem, being abused, being a single parent, and struggling to find my self; I want to let my sisters know that there is hope.
Ella: What issues in today's society have you addressed in the book?
A. Letters to the Sisterhood addresses the issues of accepting abuse. Many African American women are dying at the hands of men that claim to love them. Many of our children are watching this demoralization process and are repeating the cycle. Many African American women are contracting HIV/AIDS and many other STD's because of their promiscuous lifestyles.
Many of our children are launched into society that has given up on them. Many of us are living selfish lifestyles that will reflect in our children. Many African American women are living mediocre lives with past hurts that are crippling our societies. Many of us have no where to go or do not know how to get there. Many of us do no know where to go when the only way to go is with God. Letters to the Sisterhood addresses women on many issues because each of us have to make a change in order to change our society.
Ella: Who did you write this book for? Why?
A. I wrote this book for urban women, broken women, hurt women, because I call us the women that love forgot and I want every woman that feels as if no one cares; as if no one loves them; as if everyone has given up--God has not forgot! He just requires more from us and more is what I am hoping that these women can get out of life because there is so much more to get.
Ella: Is there a message in your book that you want readers to grasp and share?
A. I want the readers of Letters to the Sisterhood to grasp the concept that they are valuable. I want them to share the fact that there is purpose in life and it has little to do with self. I want them to share love until it overflows to someone else.
Ella: What sets your book apart from other books in your genre?
A. What sets my book apart is that I am speaking on a spiritual level, but I'm 'keepin' it real',
so to speak. My book is a book of personal letters written woman to woman and sister to sister. I am crying out from my soul and my letters are written as if I was
writing them to someone very close to me. In which, I am writing them to my many sisters that will receive them and find themselves between the lines.
Ella: What was the most important letter in the book for you?
A. One letter I liked most or a verse in it was really neat and it was the one about women staying in abusive relationships with the hope that one day he, the abuser, would change and I stated
that...
"Some storms were created to tear up everything in its path and that is what it does. We try to weather the kind of storms that we are supposed to be running away from! You know what a tornado does, you do not sit there and hope that it doesn't do what it is created to
do!"
I liked that! I wish I was that wise, to know that, years ago when I was hoping for my abuser to change.
Ella: Do you write full time? Describe your writing schedule for our readers.
A. I am working on children's books (none published yet) and I'm writing a novel and I'm currently working on my next book
'Driving My Girls Home' and I'm writing poetry and plays. There's really no schedule. Whichever ones I feel like working on is what I work on. I multi task alot which keeps me pretty busy, but not full time. I enjoy staying up late at night when the house is quiet to write. I could be in the line at the grocery store and something comes to me and I write. While writing
Letters to the Sisterhood, I would awake in the middle of the night to write because the words felt like fire in my bones and they had to come out.
Ella: What do you like to do when you're not writing?
A. I like to be around loved ones; laughing and having a good time. I have a funny family and they are like medicine to me. I also love painting. The power of creating does something spectacular to the soul and so I love creating things.
Ella: What is the best piece of advice you would give to an aspiring author?
A. Don't give up! If your mind can visualize it, then that is your book in publication already!
Author
Tennette “Missy”
Jackson
hails from
Somerset
,
New Jersey
. She has two daughters and three grandchildren. Missy began writing at a very
young age and knew it was her passion. After years of drug abuse and numerous
prison stints, Missy found an outlet in writing. Cheetah, her debut
novel, was written in the state prison. Missy currently lives in
Bound Brook
,
New Jersey
while working on her second novel.
Spotlight
on Cheetah by Missy
Jackson
Born and raised on the mean streets of
Newark ,
New Jersey
, Yanika Johnson aka Cheetah is far from your average female. A true thug in
every sense of the word, Cheetah has the ego and persona to prove it all. After
she and her best friend Naj take
Newark
drug trade by storm, the haters begin to do just what they do best...HATE. Can
the tough streets of this brick city accept being ran by two women, or will
their budding empire come tumbling down?
Cheetah
is a young woman with a heart of gold and steel. Follow her journey through a
year of murder and madness. In this book, you will see how a true friendship is
supposed to be. You will become engrossed in the "Hood Happenings" as
you ride the wave of real street life. Cheetah will make you cry, laugh, and
truly understand how things work in the ghetto.
Ella:
Missy, please tell us a little about your main characters. Who was your
favorite?
A) My favorite has to be Cheetah, since she was designed from my past. Her
gritty, no nonsense attitude, and love for her family made her my favorite.
Actually all four of the main characters Nissan, Qua Naj, and Cheetah are
mirrored after my life. I took a piece of me and structured each one.
Ella:
What inspired you to write this story, CHEETAH?
(A) I was in prison and the urban novels were the hot commodity. I read a book a
day and knew that if I could write one myself. My bunkie doubted me, so I wrote
CHEETAH.
Ella: What issues in today's society have you addressed in
CHEETAH?
(A) CHEETAH touched on issues close to home for me. Here are a few of them: how
some young people feel as if the only way to make it is to either sell drugs or
rob. It touches on how you can even be educated, headed in the right direction;
yet allow the lure of the street and the lifestyle to suck you in. My main issue
is how most families in society deal with either having a drug dealer, gang
banger, or drug user in the household.
Ella:
What sets you apart from other books in your genre?
(A) The fact that I write from the lesbian point of view, sets me apart from
many. When you read about drug dealers, gangs, clique, or a pack of robbers it
is usually guys or a mixture of guys and girls. My story shows the struggle of
not only the women in the hood, but also the lesbian women. The stereotyping and
the differences they face due to life in an alternative lifestyle are prominent.
Ella: If you had to do it all over again, would you change
anything in your latest book?
A) No, I would leave the story as is. Though this is not a true story, it
is very dear and personal. I feel that CHEETAH is one of the realest books out
there. It portrays the everyday hustle and grind that's going on in every hood.
The corner boy/girl hustler, the one who don't see the mansions and millions,
and also the brutal end results that most encounter.
Ella: Missy what's next for you? Are there any new books on the horizon?
My upcoming novel "THE JUMPOFF" is sure to catch the same buzz.
Be on the lookout for it summer 2010.
Book
Club Reviews for Cheetah
5
Stars by Readers in Motion Book Club Can't
Knock Her Hustle
Meet Yanika Johnson a.k.a. Cheetah, a female thug with more swagger than any
male thug on the block. Born and raised in
Brick
City
, life has been a struggle for her and those she loves. Her ultimate goal is to
become financially stable and get out the game. With her best friend, Naj,
covering her front and back, nothing is impossible. That is until she runs into
a few stick up dudes, who obviously didn't know who they were messing with.
Revenge soon becomes added to Cheetah list of goals.
With the love of her life, Naj, and other loyal members of the crew, Cheetah
locks down the drug game in
Newark
. Will she survive being the backbone to her family and loved ones, since her
gangsta will be tested time and time again? ---Reviewed by: Minah, for
Readers in Motion Book Club
4 Stars byThe RAWSISTAZ Reviewers What
Goes Around, Comes Around
Cheetah, born Yanika Johnson, is far from the cuddly name presented here. She
is a street hustler from
Newark
,
NJ
and she is no one to mess with. She gives new meaning to the word
"thug". Circumstances make her even more ruthless and she sets about
the streets of
Newark
on a reign of terror. Eventually what goes around comes around, and
unfortunately for Cheetah, it comes around in the worst way.
CHEETAH
was a very powerful read. I could not put this book down. Missy
Jackson
gives the reader some insight on what could be happening in the streets where
you live. This book fits the bill when we read about or hear about street
violence in newspapers and on television everyday, but it hits home once you
read it. The reader gets a glimpse as to what really goes down between street
hustlers and crime. It also shines some light on females living in "the
life"...the life of lesbianism. Despite the hard core persona Cheetah
portrays, she has a soft heart when it comes to the people she loves. An
excellent read! --- Reviewed by Cheryl Dublin, for RAWSISTAZ Reviewers
Tash Hawthorne comes out strong and does her thing with her freshman novel...
Showing that Karma is definitely a mutha! --J.M. Benjamin, Essence
Bestselling author of Ride or Die Chick and On The Run With Love
Tash
Hawthorne, born in
Summit
,
NJ
and raised in the Valley section of
Orange,
NJ
, cannot be viewed as the typical Jersey Girl. For the first 18 years of
her life, Tash had the rare privilege of being raised by three generations of
strong Black women; all who lived under the same roof. Having received such
ingredients like fearlessness from her mother, compassion from her grandmother,
and resilience from her great grandmother, Tash grew to be a product of her
environment. One of pure love and unadulterated passion for the human condition.
As
a child, Tash dreamed of becoming an Olympic gold-medalist in track & field
and an Alvin Ailey dancer, but her hopes to run and dance were soon deferred due
to medical reasons. Writing evolved from that of her mother. Tash showed early
signs of her gift of script at the age of 9; winning second place in a
state-wide essay contest for students in grades 4-6. At age 14, she placed first
in another essay contest which consisted of 1300 junior high school candidates
along the East Coast.
Despite
her early accolades, Tash did not seriously begin writing until the age of 17,
three months after the untimely passing of her best friend. Writing became a
therapeutic way to escape the unpleasant realities of her surroundings. And it
was in that time of salutary that her first screenplay, "The Jaded
Edge" was born.
After
graduating from high school, Tash went on to attend the first college of her
choice,
Hampton
University
, where she furthered her love for the arts, pursuing a degree in theatre. She
would soon be faced with another tragedy. Just seven days into her studies at
the university, Tash received a phone call from her mother stating that her
great-grandmother had unexpectedly passed away. Tash's entire academic world
came to a standstill. The woman she used to secretly meet in the middle of the
night to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with had been taken away from
her. It would take Tash the rest of her tenure at
Hampton
to fully recover from the sudden loss.
Having
regrouped and accepted God's will, Tash turned her focus back to her studies.
With the help of some of her professors and staff at
Hampton
, she went from being on academic probation to graduating on time with Honors.
During her term, she was able to write a second screenplay entitled "Nu
JeruSlum" and a stage play entitled "Mourning Glory." After
returning home to
Orange
, Tash began to write a third screenplay entitled "Karma." Throughout
that year, she experienced unsettling thoughts about the format of the piece. It
was not until a year later when she decided to turn it into a novel.
“Karma,” like all of Tash's works, encompasses the reality of life as she
sees it and knows it.
Ella: Tash, you've had a full life for one so young! Please tell us about
your passion for writing.
My passion for writing stems from life experiences (mine and others) and my love
for the arts. I write because I believe the genre of urban literature is missing
something…and that something is substance. My goal is to give readers an
alternate view of the urban world. This goal is what drives me.
Ella:
What legacy do you want your writing to leave future readers?
My writing offers the following legacy to future readers…A legacy of
integrity. When I say that, I mean to say that I stood my ground in telling my
characters’ stories. It was important to always tell the truth…their truths.
Ella:
Introduce us to your new book, Karma
with a Vengeance.
There is a time in a young woman’s life where the choices she makes will
determine the outcome of her existence in the years (of uncertainty) to come.
Those choices will lead to mistakes. The mistakes will lead to hard times. The
hard times will lead to answers, searched for by that lost soul.
In
the urban setting of
Newark
,
NJ
, we accompany Karma Alonso-Walker, who, on this journey, gains support
from an unwanted, unlikely source through life's greatest troubles. At the age
of 17, Karma becomes caught in the middle of her parents' deteriorating
marriage. Due to the unexpected appearance of her father's one night-stand at
the family's church on Easter Sunday, Karma's perception of men changes for the
worst. With an opportunity to join the US Women's Track and Field team for the
2000 Summer Olympics in
Australia
, Karma is driven to achieve her dream of winning Olympic gold. But to her
dismay, her mother is stricken with Ovarian Cancer. Karma is forced to choose
between running professionally at her mother's request or running home to be at
her mother's side.
Ten years later, we follow Karma to her mother's home on her fifty-second
birthday. Her parents have separated and found comfort in new partners. All the
while, unbeknownst to Karma, her mother's boyfriend has made himself a permanent
fixture in their life. While trying to protect her mother from her abusive
lover, Karma finds herself distracted by the presence of her cousin's new police
partner. As distraction and attraction become intertwined, Karma loses focus of
her mother's safety. And on the very same celebratory day of her birth, Karma is
forced to mourn her mother's death.
Driven by hatred and fury, Karma sets out to find her mother's boyfriend
and avenge her death. Having severed her ties with God, been dismissed by her
family and the Newark Police Department, Karma becomes a menace to society--and
to herself. This timeless chronicle about a young woman's unyielding
loyalty to her mother will open your eyes to the way life can be, even when the
glass looks half empty. As Karma’s life spirals out of control, her
exploration leads her to self-preservation and true happiness…or does it?
Ella:
Who are your two main characters? And what do you like most about them?
My two main characters are Karma Alonso-Walker and
Money
Parks
. What I like most about Karma is that she is a strong, independent woman who
can adapt to any environment. I also admire Karma’s ability to be dependent on
someone else when her burdens are too much for her to bear. What I like most
about Money is that although he makes many mistakes (terrible ones at that) his
intentions are good.
Ella:
Ultimately, what do you want readers to gain from your book?
I want readers to know that there are successful people of color in the inner
city. Every woman is not materialistic or abusing the system or bedding multiple
men for financial gain. Every man is not a drug dealer or a gangster or a male
gigolo. For the most part, people are living their lives trying to do the right
thing.
Ella: What advice would you give a new writer?
I would advise a new writer to not write pieces for the sole purpose of sales or
what he/she thinks other people would want to read. I would encourage the writer
to write what he/she feels people NEED to know. It is imperative to ALWAYS tell
the truth.
Ella:
Name three things that it takes to make a successful author in your opinion.
A
writer must have discipline. For instance, they must have the strength of
mind and will to be able to shut the world out so they can immerse
themselves in their work.
A
writer must be able to deal with adversity. They must have tough
skin and be able to take criticism, be it constructive or destructive.
They must have an open mind and be flexible in their approach to the art
and craft of writing.
A
writer must be a consummate student. A successful author reads works
written by other authors, not only for pleasure, but also to learn new
ways to invent and deliver their own stories.
Ella:
What can we expect from you in the future?
You can expect the sequel to Karma: With A Vengeance (wink). Seriously, you can
expect a continuation of my works in film and theatre in the future. I believe
writers should be multi-dimensional. They should never cripple themselves by
writing in only one facet of scribe.
Ella: How may our readers connect with you online?
"Once a cheater, always a
cheater" is a popular saying. Is it true? Some people believe that if you are not married then you are single and free to "see" who you want to until you take vows and become committed to your spouse. Others believe that if you are in a relationship with someone it is cheating to talk to someone of the opposite sex if the conversation is one that cannot be had in the presence of your boyfriend or girlfriend; and that going out on a date or physical contact with someone else is wrong. Nowadays, with Facebook, My Space, and a million other social networking sites, not to mention, everything else that we can do online, it is very hard to trust or be in a committed relationship with someone at all, married or single.
One cannot possibly make sure that their "other half" is not involved with someone else with all the possible ways to "mix and mingle". So what is a person to do in the day of AIDS? How do you guarantee that you are safe and in a monogamous relationship? Some believe that
"snooping" is unacceptable but I beg to differ. Yes, we all would love to be able to just trust and believe that our partner is being true. But, isn't a cheater also a liar? So how can someone who is cheating on you tell you the truth? Without you finding out what they are doing, of course? I will step out on a limb and be frank in saying that if I suspect that my "man" is cheating, that I will do my homework. I will do what I have to do to protect my self, my interests, and my health. I am very open when it comes to being in a relationship because if there is nothing to hide, I don't have to hide my cell phone, or have a lock on it. What about the right to privacy? I don't need it if I am being faithful. My business is my man's business.
Yes, men and women are different and men oftentimes feel trapped in relationships so it doesn't necessarily mean that he is cheating because he doesn't want you reading his texts from his "ex" but then again, "why can't I?" if there's nothing in them. I think the problem really lies in lying to begin with. A man, or woman for that matter who is not ready to be in a committed relationship, should not commit to being in one. The reason many people "go along" with being in a relationship when they are not ready for one is because they want to hold on to the person they love, until they are ready to be loyal. But that is just a selfish way to live and it will only come back to bite you when you get caught out there. It is not fair to the person who you are supposed to love and it is cruel to put their health in danger because you are not ready. An Essence poll showed that many Black men who cheat admitted that they do not always or regularly use condoms when they cheat. That is just not fair.
There are so many distractions and attractions for people but there is also such a thing as self-control. Actually, it is understandable that people will have urges, but do they have to act them out? Why is it that a man will throw away his whole family for a night of indiscretion? Why is it that having one woman is not enough? I must side with some men who say that their women get comfortable and no longer are concerned with keeping them satisfied once they have the man. I must also say that there is no respect from a single woman for a wife. Unfortunately nowadays, anything goes, relationships are temporary, and people are only together until they break up.
What is sad is that nothing is sacred, cherished, or sustained. Many children will not know what it is like to have two parents in the same home, just as many children of divorce must see the breakup of their families, all while some just continue to "stick and move".
Are there any people in this world who want to stick together through thick and thin and death do us part? It doesn't look that way.
Domestic Violence and Revenge, Two Sides of the Same Coin
by Erica Williams
Domestic Violence is a touchy and controversial subject. In society it is considered unacceptable and unconceivable for a man to physically batter his girlfriend or wife. The recent incident with singers Chris Brown and Rihanna was a publicized and highly debated event. Many famous people expressed discontent with, criticized, and verbally condemned Chris Brown; while siding with and supporting Rihanna, without being witnesses to the
occurrence. My book A Woman Scorned also addresses the issue of Domestic Violence. The main character, Brielle Prescott, remained in an abusive marriage partially because of being physically abused by her parents as a child. The emotional scars and distress from being battered lasts and affects the victim for a lifetime, in many cases.
I have two conflicting feelings in regards to domestic violence. Generally, I believe that it is wrong to hit a person that you are supposed to care for because for one, that person may be critically injured or killed. Many women have died at the hands of the man that they loved. It is a dangerous habit and a problem that escalates over time, as many statistics prove. When a man starts the cycle of abuse oftentimes the assaults become worse and worse as time goes on and more and more frequent. What may begins as a shove may turn into a punch and ultimately a murder. Emotions run high in matters of the heart and volatile relationships don't become healthy ones easily. Many young woman have the misconception that if a man puts his hand on them, it is because he loves them enough to lose control because if he didn't care he wouldn't get that angry. The problem herein lies in the fact that a man who does not know how to deal with his emotions or control his anger is a man to fear. When things are great is not the time to decide whether you are with the right man.
However, it is when there are issues or conflicts is the time to assess who you are really loving. A man should not have to hurt you to show his love for you. A man should be able to know how to deal with problems with his mind and not his fists. When the schoolyard fighting days are over, a man needs to know how to handle situations. Is there really an excuse to hit his woman? What if she cheats? What if she lies about where she was and who she was with? What if she spends the money that should have gone to bills? Is there really any justification for physical abuse accept for the fact that it comes from lack of rationale. When a man lashes out he may not intend to black an eye, bust a lip, break a limb, or commit a stabbing or shooting, but that does not mean it won't happen.
As a woman who has dealt with more than one hostile and violent man in my lifetime, I know that it is by the grace of God that I was never badly hurt. However, I could have been. I choose not to excuse that behavior in my "seasoned" time as a woman. I choose to heed the warning signs, spare my life, and not leave my life in the hands of an irrational man because life and death are only a breath and heartbeat away from each other, and in one split second you can be gone.
Contrary to what I just expressed however, is the fact that I do understand what rage feels like. I have been wronged by past boyfriends, as well, and it is not a good feeling. I know how it feels to lose control and lash out with my hands and fists. I have been on both sides of this issue and that is why I wrote A Woman Scorned because Brielle is a victim and a perpetrator. She becomes the very thing she had come to hate, an abuser. She resorts to revenge, which is also a form of Domestic Violence, if violence is the means to getting that revenge.
How do we know what Rihanna did to Chris Brown to make him lash out? How do we know that she did not hit him first and many way say that it doesn't matter because a woman is not capable of hurting a man the way a man is able to hurt a woman. However, is that true when a woman has a weapon? No, it is not. I have brought Domestic Violence and Revenge together because their is sometimes a marriage of the two.
Domestic Violence is sometimes a reaction to a real injustice that is done to someone and Revenge is a reaction to the same.
Therefore, what I believe we must do as a society is be more understanding as opposed to condemning and offer help to those who are on both sides of the issue. Chris Brown expressed a feeling of betrayal from Oprah for "all that he had done for her" because he said that he expected her to offer him some advice or assistance in how to heal as well. Rihanna was not the only one who needed support. He is human, as we all are, and we all do not always handle things the right way. So why is it that we find it okay, to kill the perpetrator? Isn't that violence too?
Share
with us your news, events and articles. If
you would like to submit articles for the Black Pearls Magazine, please check
out our editorial calendar and send in your stories at least 2 weeks prior to
the deadlines. You can post to any topics designated for that month. Edit your
work well and share it! Read the submission
guidelines here. Your
submissions to EDC Creations signifies that you agree to our terms and policies.
We also accept book excerpts, reader's guides and audio interviews.
The
Black Pearls Magazine family wants to take the time to thank each of you for
joining us monthly in celebrating the best in literature and the arts. Our
team of writers, bookclubs and authors are so humbled that you have allowed us
entrance into your life. It amazes me each month as I check our subscribers how
many of you deem us worthy of your time and support. We appreciate
each of you for telling 10 people about the magazine and for driving people to
this site. YOU make Black Pearls the magnificent publication that it is, by
sharing the gift of knowledge!
Please
know, as we prepare each issue for you, we look for those stimulating
conversations, the most thought provoking articles and most of all the best
books on the shelves. We want each page of this magazine to add value to your
lives! Your comments and feedback are welcomed. Join our
blog and share your news, advice and wisdom with the other readers. Tell us
what you want to read too!
As we take off in this new decade we hope to bring you more provocative topics
and life empowering books to shape your lives. We have contest for the readers
and more interactive sections added to the magazine. Let us know what you think
of the fresh new content by emailing
us here. Thank you!
Ella Curry, President of EDC Creations
Founder & Editor In Chief Black Pearls Magazine