Domestic Violence and Revenge: Two Sides of the Same Coin
By Ericka Williams
Email: erickawilliamsinfo@yahoo.com  
Author Website: www.erickaw.com 

Domestic Violence is a touchy and controversial subject. In society it is considered unacceptable and unconceivable for a man to physically batter his girlfriend or wife. The recent incident with singers Chris Brown and Rihanna was a publicized and highly debated event. Many famous people expressed discontent with, criticized, and verbally condemned Chris Brown; while siding with and supporting Rihanna, without being witnesses to the occurrence. I have two conflicting feelings in regards to domestic violence. Generally, I believe that it is wrong to hit a person that you are supposed to care for, because that person may be critically injured or killed. Many women have died at the hands of the men they loved. It is a dangerous habit and a problem that escalates over time, as many statistics prove. Relationships are so multi-faceted and often times built on foundations of lust, long before love. Add is a little stress, a few lies by omission and things get out of hand quickly. 

Many young women have the misconception that if a man puts his hand on them, it is because he loves them enough to lose control, because if he didn't care he wouldn't get that angry. Herein lies the problem: a man who does not know how to deal with his emotions or control his anger, is a man to fear. When a man starts the cycle of abuse often times the assaults become worse and worse as time goes on and more and more frequent. What may begin as a shove may turn into a punch and ultimately a murder. Emotions run high in matters of the heart and volatile relationships don't become healthy ones easily. When things are going great is not the time to decide whether you are with the right man. However, the time to assess who you really love is when there are issues or conflicts. No one should hurt you in order to show their love. Your spouse or mate should be able to deal with problems with their mind and not their fists. When the schoolyard fighting days are over, adults need to know how to handle situations. 

As an author, I write about these situations because I see them unfold daily; most likely not receiving the same publicity of Chris and Rihanna. My book, A Woman Scorned, addresses the issue of domestic violence from the female abuser’s point of view. The main character, Brielle Prescott, remained in an abusive marriage partially because of her physical abuse by her parents as a child. The emotional scars and distress from being battered lasts, affecting the victim for a lifetime, in many cases, in real life and in my fictional tales.

No matter how damaged the individual is there really an excuse to hit someone you are involved with? What if she/he cheats? What if she/he lies about where they were and who they were with? What if she spends the money that should have gone to bills? Is there really any justification for physical abuse except for the fact that it comes from lack of rationale. When a man lashes out, he may not intend to black an eye, bust a lip, break a limb, or commit a stabbing or shooting, but that does not mean it won't happen. As a woman who has dealt with more than one hostile and violent man in my lifetime, I know that it is by the grace of God that I was never badly hurt. However, I could have been. I choose not to excuse that behavior in my "seasoned" time as a woman. 

I decided to heed the warning signs and not leave my life in the hands of an irrational man, because life and death are only a breath and heartbeat away from each other, and in one split second you can be gone. Contrary to what I just expressed, however, I do understand what rage feels like. I have been wronged by past boyfriends, as well, and it is not a good feeling. I know how it feels to lose control and lash out with my fists. I have been on both sides of this issue and that’s why I wrote A Woman Scorned. My main character, Brielle, is a victim and a perpetrator. She becomes the very thing she had come to hate, an abuser. She resorts to revenge, which is also a form of domestic violence—if violence is the means to getting that revenge. 

How do we know what Rihanna did to Chris Brown to make him lash out? How do we know that she did not hit him first? Many might say that it doesn't matter because a woman is not capable of hurting a man the way a man is able to hurt a woman. However, is that true when a woman has a weapon? No, it is not. I have brought Domestic Violence and Revenge together because there is sometimes a marriage of the two in relationships. Domestic Violence is sometimes a reaction to a real injustice that is done to someone and Revenge is a reaction to the same. Therefore, what I believe we must do as a society is be more understanding, as opposed to condemning. Next, offer help to those who are on both sides of the issue. Chris Brown expressed a feeling of betrayal from Oprah for "all that he had done for her" because he said that he expected Oprah to offer him some advice or assistance in how to heal as well. Rihanna was not the only one who needed support. He is human, as we all are. 

I am not condoning abusers or anyone who inflicts pain on another. But let’s be real, it happens, on both sides! None of us can handle things the right way, at all times. Emotions run high the matter of love. So why is it that we find it okay, to kill the perpetrator? Isn't that violence too? What about trying to find the root of the problem? Let’s try to find the stressors that created the violence and address those issues, instead of rushing to judgment. I am sure many of you have opinions on revenge and what defines domestic violence. Share your views on the subject too, let’s talk about it.


Meet the Author
Ericka Williams is a determined business woman and author. She never takes no for an answer. When she sets her mind on a goal, she doesn't stop until it is reached. She is a graduate of Teaneck High School, in Teaneck New Jersey. She attended Howard University and graduated from Rutgers University. She is currently a teacher. Ericka has always had a yearning for knowledge, expression, and creativity. She is the author of three books the Essence Magazine bestseller “All That Glitters”, and the sequel “Shining Star”, as well as the forthcoming release A Woman Scorned. Pick up a copy at Amazon Online. http://www.amazon.com/Woman-Scorned-Ericka-Williams/dp/1934230715 

Meet author and veteran Dezi D. Stanley
Book Spotlight: God Still Loves You

Dezi D. Stanley resides in North Carolina where he is a devoted, caring and loving father; he has fourteen years in the military, worked for a rehabilitation branch for the Department of Corrections, and now currently working with high-risk juveniles in hopes of stopping them from entering into the system. He is the founder and CEO for B.Y.G. Youth Inc. an organization designed to target the children others seem to have forgotten. He has put the organization on hold due to fallen ill. He has a type of lung disease, adrenal cancer and is being treated for PTSD along with several other illnesses.

He has been unemployed since August of 2008, with no income coming in to provide or support his family. He is currently awaiting disability from the military; he filed for Social Security but was denied and is in the process of refilling. Although he has no transportation he continues to volunteer throughout the community and remain focused on high risk children. He has met many veterans who feel they are not being treated fairly and he assist them and also makes there conditions and concerns known publicly. He has written several newspapers, congress, the governor, and also the White House but has yet to receive type of response/just automatic responses of the same information. He states he will continue to write until someone listens.

His love for music has led him to the path of song writing, throughout his travels he began to write poetry. Realizing his gift for writing he has collaborated his thoughts, experiences and travels to create his poetry and inspire his books. Although his books are diverse, the reality exists. Through his writing he hopes to open eyes, change lives and help inspire someone to become a positive person, and a positive influence in their community, city, and our society. He continues to writes, he states he is going to be well and on his feet soon, because God is good and will not fail him. He is self published and just released a book tilted God Still Loves You.

Dezi feel that far too many times we allow situations and circumstances to cause our trust in God to fade away, and our faith to waver or shatter. God Still Loves You is an inspirational love story between God and man. A book comprised of short stories, poems and scriptures to enhance the love of God in our lives. And to help men, women, boys and girls to understand the fullness of God’s love. This book will help people understand that regardless of the situations or circumstances… God Still Loves Us. His book can be purchased at http://stores.lulu.com/Blaque.   In his poetry book Generations of Love and Pain he address several needs of Veterans and children.

Dezi pray through his book the reader will experience the love, grace and mercy of God and apply it to their lives and share it. He considers his self to be a walking testimony, a voice for the people i.e. the children, the men and women who have put their lives on the line to come home to be forgotten or mistreated. He has been without power since March; he has no transportation to get to appointments. The whether conditions are taking a toll on his home. He is being threatened with foreclosure. He has been to several military and civilian organizations to get help without success. He understands and appreciate that organizations give food, clothes and some places shelter but he states that will not pay bills or a mortgage. He knows that there are many people/veterans in his situation, some worst that is why he says he will continue to plead his and their cases. He states that once God allows him to get on his feet he will help the children, veterans and anyone who feel they have issues that should be heard and addressed and he has informed several organizations as well as congress of his plans. He feels that all people are created equal, God made man although society has made it their way. Money is put into all types of things in all types of places for the wrong reasons. People talk about America and being a citizen in the land of the free and the brave… many are forgotten, many are used and abused, many still feel like slaves.

Any donations or contributions would be greatly appreciated; you can send it/them to Dezi D. Stanley at 309 N. Rail Road Street, St. Pauls NC 28384. Thank you and God Bless. He may be contacted personally at Blaque_el@yahoo.com
 

Subject:  Veterans are in Need of Help and Recognition
To the Editor of Media Sources
:
I am writing this to bring awareness to all veterans, including those who are disabled and those who are still serving our country. I willingly served in the Army and National Guard for fourteen years, ten months, and six days.. I have three years of Reserve status.

I have noticed that there has been a lack of concern for many veterans in many cities and states. There are homeless veterans, veterans in serious need of medical treatment/physical and mental care. There are veterans who have made every attempt to maintain their dignity, decorum and military bearing and continue to patronize our country. Sadly, many are starting to wonder why. I have spoken to several veterans who now feel deceived and betrayed after all their loyalty and constancy, not to mention the suffering and pain endured during their time of service.

It is incongruous for a solider to have to pay for treatment and medication after serving and risking his or her life for our country. I have been taught, as have other soldiers, that no man/woman is left behind. Yet we cannot eat, we do not have decent clothes, we are living in the dark/without power. Too many are homeless! Veterans are out of work; there are some who could work but now are unable to work and provide for their families or sustain their bills.

One veteran told me a few months ago that he wished he were dead and had not served. That still lingers in my mind. I can relate to his feelings, that feeling of being forgotten, that feeling of worthlessness. I can relate to that feeling of being less than a man, due to not being able to provide for your family, and having to look your spouse in the face or hear your child asking for something and you have to borrow to make sure you can meet their needs.

Our society gives the criminal more assistance than the veteran!

The men and women who are able to work receive Medicaid and more food stamps than someone who actually needs it. The Red Cross, The Salvation Army and many community churches and organizations tell you they are under-funded or have no funds at all for assistance.

I went to the Robeson County Church and Community Center for assistance and was denied due to not having any income. I made the statement to the woman on the desk “If I had income, I would not have told you I had no income and needed help.” She smiled and said “Sorry, that’s how it is, no income, so we can’t help you.”

I went to Social Service and was told they only helped once a year or up to the amount of six hundred dollars a year.
I have been out of work since August, 2008. God has placed some people in my life who have really been a blessing and I thank Him as well as them. I have had to swallow my pride, but no one wants to be viewed as a beggar or free loader. It is fine to assist with food, and I am thankful, as many are, but food does not keep the lights on or pay the mortgage. I have been unemployed now seven months. I filed for unemployment but my employer did not adequately release my medical and financial status/condition.

I filed for a hearing in September, 2008; the unemployment office did not send my appeal/request to Raleigh until January, 2009 after it appeared that I was an inconvenience. Then the hearing officer took the word of the director, seemingly after paying no attention to the statements/evidence submitted.

I have called several agencies/organizations for assistance without success or without even being given a false pledge/promise for assistance. One of the least sympathetic specified that since I was not Lumbee, and not part of the Lumbee tribe, they could not help me. I have no quarrels with comprehending and accommodating your own, but when someone is in need and you can assist… Assist! Nationality or ethnicity should not impede when in need or the funds are available.

I filed for Social Security benefits and was denied. I was informed that my medical conditions, cancer and lung problems, are not severe enough to receive benefits. I know several people who are able to work, or already working, and they receive benefits. Do I have to be on my death bed to receive benefits? I cannot receive Medicaid because I was not qualified through Social Security. Although my condition does not (yet) make me a hospice patient, I still should be able to receive some type of benefits according to the degree of my disabilities.

Companies and organizations which made bad decisions, and which are not suffering financially, are being bailed out. Where is a veteran’s bailout? Where is a veteran’s bonus? Where is free housing for a veteran? Where is the funding to relieve veterans who are walking due to no transportation? Where are the relief funds for a veteran who is being threatened with foreclosure? Where are the monies for a veteran to provide and put clothes on their children’s back? What does it take for a veteran to be assisted, remembered and appreciated? Maybe we all should write the mayor, congress, and the governor… the president.

No solider left behind-- but leave them out or forget them! Is this the American way, our American Dream? Is this what I and others fought and died for? God Bless Us!
 

Hola – Hollah!

Niambi Brown Davis

             “No ticket, no taco.” Translation: hold on to your Mexican immigration card – you can’t go home without it. “Drink plenty of Mexican beer.” Meaning: guzzle as much Tecate as you can. Our tour company representative was a closet comic and the perfect ambassador to the Riviera Maya.

            The trip was thrown together at the last minute.  This time the Caribbean didn’t work out. The next best tropical destination was Mexico, although I had doubts if it would meet my sun- sand-and sea standards. One day into the trip and I was ready to award five waving palms to Mexico and the Iberostar Paraiso del Mar. For the “traveler not a tourist” purist, an all-inclusive is the equivalent of Bedlam in the 16^th century.   This time I didn’t want a “dress-down” vacation.  I was all too happy to join the other inmates inside the beautiful hacienda-styled “asylum.”

            Lush is often overworked, but it’s the best word to describe the grounds of Paraiso del Mar. When developers carved it out of a jungle, they left many of the original palms, tropical flowers and cenotes (underground rivers) in place. Pink flamingos graze in a lagoon set between the marble walkways.  Peacocks and other tropical birds stroll the grounds and terraces, leaving stray feathers behind as their calling card.

             The Yucatan in August is hot as hell (but I loved it!) By late morning the pool water was the temperature of bath water.   For a slightly cooler dip, Paraiso Beach was a short walk away.  The ¾ mile stretch of sand fronts some of the bluest water I’ve ever seen. Even so, some hotel guests never made it past the pool that wound through the property like a never-ending blue ribbon.  Instead, they lounged on covered poolside beds, relaxed in the Jacuzzi, drank at the swim-up bar or took part in salsa and Spanish lessons. When the Star Band set up, a poolside salsa dance party broke out.

I’m convinced that The Iberostar Group runs a do- or- die boot camp for its staff.  I’m also convinced that it should become a franchise.  Customer service was outstanding - no stone-faced greetings or barely civil service, even with the most difficult vacationer whose server couldn’t catch a break. Each day the housekeeping staff left us with chocolates, hibiscus flowers and towel art.  How many hours of practice does it take to fashion a dog, an elephant and a Mayan Indian out of terry cloth?

If we didn’t want to leave the all-inclusive cocoon we didn’t have to. One evening a group of locals arrived, dressed in white shirts and black pants or skirts.  At first glance I thought “folk entertainers.” until they set up a moveable village marketplace stocked with carvings, pottery, silver, paintings, leather goods and handcrafted clothing (I should have bought that black leather gaucho hat…).  

The Star Friends and the Star Band deserve the title of hardest working staff in hotel entertainment.  For most of the day, and a lot of the night, they were on duty at poolside, entertaining the children at Lucy’s Kids Club and the adults with salsa, Spanish, archery and pottery lessons.  At lunchtime they’d grab a plate, pull up a chair beside their guests and share some of that Iberostar hospitality.

No strangers to the stage, at night, they literally became stars. In one performance shrouded in darkness, a feathered dancer depicted the majesty of the Mayan past. On Las Vegas night a black clad man moon-walked across the stage, a dead ringer for the Gloved One.  An elaborately costumed segment from The Lion King brought the audience to its feet.  It may have been America served whole in Mexico, but the crowd, especially families with children, loved it.  

            In Playa del Carmen around the corner from the famous Carlos and Charlie’s, I got a glimpse of Mexican commando-style security. Looking no more than 18 and dressed in black from head to toe, the guard in front of a jewelry store gave off a “Die-hard” stare.  He gripped a shotgun in both hands and wore a pistol strapped to his waist. He did not look like a fun kind of guy.  So when my daughter ran over and asked to take a picture with him, I was sure we’d be calling home collect from a Mexican jail or she’d learn some Spanish words they didn’t teach in school.   He nodded and they posed, with “turista” written all over his otherwise stoic expression.

            Further down the street, we ran into some new-found south of the border brothers. “Hola, my sisters,” they called out, waiting for us to “hollah back.” 

            We loved that part of Mexico so much that we tried to stay an extra day. It didn’t happen, but the last days were the best. On Isla Mujeres (The Island of Women) a shopkeeper and I communicated in a little English, a little Spanish and a lot of hands signs about Mexican artist Frieda Kahlo. Later that day eight of us, joined by the camaraderie of vacationing strangers, took a catamaran sail around the island.  Nearby, a Mexican flag the size of a small airfield rippled in the breeze.  Out on the open water, we claimed the day as a spiritual massage.  Reggae and rhythm and blues vibrated from the speakers on the slow, smooth sail through water every color of blue imaginable.  We sailed past a white beach backed by palm trees and dotted with turquoise beach umbrellas and thatched palapas.  Before heading back, our captain dropped anchor and we swam in the Mexican Caribbean. Near the end of the trip, he gave us a close up of a luxurious, but vacant home built on a rocky edge of land.  It was unplanned perfection, like a random shot made even more beautiful because the picture wasn’t posed.

            The next time I’m in Mexico I’ll have more time. I hope to see the sacred Mayan ruins of Chichen Itza, and head over to Oaxaca or Zihuatanejo. Either way, I’ll keep you posted.

-------------

 Meet Author Niambi Brown Davis

Thanks for visiting my place in cyberspace. Here you'll find news of my current and upcoming releases.
Pull out your virtual passport — get ready to travel with men and women who find love in all corners of the world.
Make yourselves comfortable and stop in anytime. In my little house on the hill, a light is always shining.

Niambi was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and raised on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. She and her family lived for many years in Washington, DC and for three and a half years, made the Republic of Trinidad & Tobago their home.

She has written for Bronze Thrills, True Confessions and Black Romance Magazines. Niambi indulged her passion for sailing and travel by serving as publicist for the Black Boaters Summit and as a member of the National Association of Black Travel Writers. A script for her first digital novella has been accepted and published by Arrow Publications, LLC. Presently, Niambi writes for Travel Lady Magazine.

Aside from travel and writing, Niambi is an avid reader of historical fiction, and deeply involved in tracing the history of both branches of her family tree. Her day job is running the business of Sand & Silk / Soleful Strut, her own line of handcrafted bath and body products.

  Website: http://niambibrowndavis.com  |   Blog: http://niambibrowndavis.blogspot.com
 

Intimate Conversation with author Rodney Lofton

 
“The Day I Stopped Being Pretty,” will make you laugh, it will make you cry. It will make you search deep within to explore the most important love one can embrace, self-love.

Rodney Lofton shares his true-life account of “living with HIV” and how his life and testimony has affected everyone around him. Ever since being diagnosed with HIV, Rodney Lofton has lived under society’s label of being “dirty or unclean.” But after he woke from a failed suicide attempt, Lofton set out on a journey to overcome the adversity of racism, homophobia, rape, and more to find love, not just from others, but also within himself. Lofton tells the story of his sexual awakening, a life of low self-esteem compounded by a harsh father and loving mother, who wanted to protect him from the world, physical and emotional abuse, and his eventual diagnosis of HIV. Through it all, Lofton emphasizes his efforts to inform the youth community nationwide on the issues of disclosure and acceptance of HIV and how tragedy can be turned into triumph.

The Day I Stopped Being Pretty provides an insightful, inspiring perspective into the lives of those living with HIV and AIDS. It brings a face to the epidemic and shows the power of love, sorrow, and hope. It is a story of living gay, loving positively, and finding the inner strength to reach out to others despite their rejection and scorn.

Rodney Lofton has been a voice and face for those living with HIV for the past ten years. He has served as a keynote speaker and requested facilitator by the New Jersey World AIDS Day Celebration, the U.S. Conference on AIDS, and many other events. He has presented on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues at the National Gay & Lesbian Taskforce Conference Creating Change and the Gay & Lesbian Medical Association Conference. He is a former freelance writer with SPICE Magazine, Music Biz and the African-American gay publication The Malebox. Lofton is also a former Public Relations professional, having represented the likes of Kool and the Gang, Mary Wilson of the legendary Supremes, Dancehall Reggae artist Shabba Ranks and the R&B recording group RIFF. He currently resides in Virginia.
 

EDC:  Finish this sentence: I am Powerful because.....
Answer:  I am Powerful because I am a black, gay HIV positive man, living positively in the face of adversity.

EDC:  Where are you from?
Answer:  I was born in Seaboard, North Carolina, but currently reside in Richmond, VA.

EDC:   Who are your two main characters and what do you like most about them?
Answer:  Well, because my book is a memoir, the main character of the book is me. It took me a while to learn to like and love myself, so what I admire most about the character/me is that I was able to learn to love myself.

EDC:  What makes your book stand out and would make a reader pick it up?
Answer:  I would say the cover truly stands out. It is a photograph of me as a little boy. I have been told by readers of the book, the cover was what caught their initial interest.

EDC:   Ultimately, what do you want readers to gain from your book?
Answer:  Because it is an honest telling of my life, the good, the bad and the ugly, I wanted the reader to take a small peak into the life of a black, gay HIV positive male’s journey. I do not speak for the entire black, gay HIV positive community, this was my journey and I hope readers will get a better understanding of living and loving with HIV.

EDC:   What is the one most surprising thing you have learned in creating novels?
Answer:  For me, I was surprised that many would read a novel like mine because it is out of the norm. It doesn’t focus on brothers living on the down low, but a true openly black gay man.

EDC:   What would you say has been your most significant achievement as a writer? How did you do it?
Answer:  I was pleased that my first outing was nominated for a Lambda Literary Award, but the most significant achievement was the response I received from individuals living with HIV praising my honesty.

EDC:  What advice would you give a new writer? Would you change anything about your journey?
Answer:  I would encourage new writers to learn the business of writing. Publishing a book is probably the easiest part of the industry, but promoting and getting your product out there can be trying and difficult at times. Through it all, I wouldn’t change a thing about the literary journey that I have embarked on.

EDC:  What can we expect from you in the future?
Answer:  Currently, I am featured in Lee Hayes’ erotic anthology entitled Flesh to Flesh and my follow-up novel, No More Tomorrows: Two Lives, Two Stories, One Love is scheduled for release May 2009 on the Simon and Schuster imprint, Strebor Books.

You may contact Rodney for speaking engagements at:   www.rodneylofton.com  |    www.myspace.com/rodlofton

Top 3 Reasons Why We Ruin Relationships

The largest single reason for divorce and for the break-up of our relationships is a misunderstanding of personality type differences. This article will present the leading three reasons most folks lose in relationships that are related to Myers-Briggs Personality Type.

1. We Don't Know the Personality Types of Ourselves and our Mates.

Most of us don't know that we have a personality type that is scientifically and psychologically defined. We confuse personality with many other non-psychological things. In reality each of our personality types was formed within us before we were born! In addition, if your personality type differs in certain ways with your mate's type --your communication, which is the "key" to relationships, will dramatically suffer.

2. You Don't Speak Their Language!

Very simply both people in a relationship can be speaking the same national language, say "English" but if they  are opposite especially on the "Dominant" function area it is like they were speaking two different languages with neither understanding the other!

We will be "Dominant" either with the function we take in information with, i.e. "Sensing" or "Intuition" or we will be "Dominant" in how we make decisions, i.e. "Thinking" (using logic) or "Feeling" (using feelings). No matter which one you are "Dominant" in , if your loved one is "Dominant' in the opposite you two will have great and natural difficulty speaking to each other.

3. You "Talk Your Talk" Only...May Even Insist On It!

What most folks do not understand about personality dynamics is that the natural personality difference are not  to be seen as something that is bad; something their mate does not understand; something the other person is "doing" to them to make their life miserable. If only they could be like me! Why can't you do what I do, after all I'm right and you are wrong.

I mean basically this is what most of us do because we are ignorant of our inborn, instinctive personality and what that might mean, if we are faced with differences in our relationships. Well , forcing someone to be like you won't work my friend because you are trying to change human nature, you are trying to make the "instinctive" "un-instinctive" ( if there is such an expression). Can't be done, so we need to understand our personality, which can be accomplished several different ways and use that knowledge to allow our relationship interest to be who they are, validate who they are and if you do, you will find love and other relationships get better and better.

By the way, the terms I've been using in this brief article are related to the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator. Which would be my strong recommendation for you to identify your type. Now you can take the MBTI on the Internet but there will be a fee. The MBTI is not free anywhere. Or, you can take a Jungian-like personality indicator which is very accurate and absolutely free. That is up to you, I hope you do one of the two. At that point, find a Myers-Briggs practitioner and have them interpret back to you what your score means. Your relationships will thank you!

In conclusion, we can guarantee the long life of our relationships, in fact we can create perfect love compatibility and perfect relationship compatibility by using the power of our personality type. If we will take the loving time to identify our personality types and those of our love/relationship interests and then learn how to use what we find so we can "speak" in the other person's language, if need be; then we can save relationships from and at the core. In addition, we can use personality type to find our "soul mate", find the perfect love compatibility relationship for us in the first place. It is not difficult and it is automatic when we understand our types.

About the Author: Jason Lee is the owner of Relationships and more website.
For more info and free newsletter visit: http://www.activehowto.com/how-to-new-20.php

Make-up Or Break-up. Which Path Do I Take?

Since the beginning of time men and women have been unfaithful to each other. I think it started around the time of Adam and Eve. Relationship break-ups are not just a fabrication of modern society. However in this day and age you must realize that a lot of these relationship problems CAN be salvaged. The old song (I think by the Everley Bros) "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" only tells half of the story. I think mending the relationship or making up poses the more difficult part of the problem. In the first instance only one person may have caused the problem, but now it will take two people to construct a successful outcome.

A lot of people will not believe that a relationship once broken can be repaired. They find it difficult to believe that almost every break up  for whatever reason, infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss of interest, a stolen heart and worse can be salvaged. But if the two individuals  involved are prepared to give it a try then let no-one stand in their way.

There are many guidelines posed by so-called experts in the community and many approaches set down to follow.
Among other things they suggest the following:

*Are you missing each other.

*The capacity of the innocent party to forgive.

*Are there children involved.

*The commitment to repair what has been broken

*Meeting up and discussing problems without apportioning blame

*The capacity of the guilty party to admit guilt

*The capacity of the other party to FORGIVE

Once you are prepared to address all these issues then you are in a position to be able to formulate ways to repair the relationship and  get your ex back. The problem in most cases like this is that some people never tend to figure out what really went wrong and consequently they  are never able to find ways to get their ex back. However, the last thing you want to do, if you're hoping to get your ex back, is to try and put the blame on them. You also need to take responsibility for your part in
this breakdown. This means, in many cases, being very aware of your inputs (or lack of ) to the relationship and ignoring what your best friend  tell you on how to get your ex back. Also you probably need to ignore what your family says because of their emotional involvement and the tendency to support you at all costs and in most cases.

Be yourself and remember who you are, and your role in this whole issue. You must consider how the person who your Ex fell in love with (YOU)  acted and if you want to get your Ex back, you must be able to revert  to that role once more. The breakup of a relationship is usually the result of a number of factors, not just one. In most cases, the contributing factors can be clearly identified if you really are prepared to analyze the breakdown. Don't focus on what you think is wrong with your partner; that's their job. Accept responsibility for your role in the breakup and try to figure out how you can fix  what you can control.

The Magic Of Making Up contains practical tips and suggestions to restore your relationship to old warmth and affection and also an amazing resource for unfailing and innovative techniques to get your ex back no matter how  bad the situation is. You’ll still have a chance then to get your ex back. But you must first convince yourself that is what you really want to do and not just to satisfy a bruised ego.

About the Author: Noel is an experienced internet marketer. He displays a keen interest in society and its relationships and the many issues they produce as most adults have at some time in their life. For more detailed information about resolving some of these problems and to access the program=>  http://tinyurl.com/57ed4z

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